Over stuff my belly until I feel nauseated and sick. Friends are friends to be gentle and enemies like it when they can be hard. Make you sad and make you cry. The venom always seem to be more poisonous with every tear that escapes from your eye. So I struggle to me in this space that I find myself in because my husband laughs at me every chance that he gets. He is not my friend but he sure has become my reason why I always walk with a fire in my step and the dream of success in my eye.
We each have to live our lives in a certain way that lights a fire in ourselves and gives us the strength to live another day. Getting off, getting it in. It’s an instinct that drives us. Some hate when I talk about my libido but after being touched by somebody my soul recognized I can see no point in indulging my senses with anybody further or even deeper. I will move towards an existence that feels good to me all the time.
From time to time and only the humans I can trust. The ones who haven’t tried to pervert the human experience and make me feel like I am living in a shoe. Maybe not a shoe but I like to feel like I belong but then I get confused. Do I want to belong in a world that makes no sense? Or do I want to be an enigma that is perfectly me. That can light up the night and hold out a hand. I would rather be a friend to one than many. What do you think? do you want to be loved by many or authentically by one?
Life in it’s entirety will never ever make sense. Not to us. Not in this lifetime. The most we can hope for is an existence that brings us some sort of peace right up to the bitter end.Time why are you so unforgiving on your relentless path? Can’t you give us some sort of inkling of what is to come then revealing yourself to us when it is far too late. The flurry of emotions that threatens to suffocate us finally flees us till there is nothing left. Shallow shells of all we used to be up to and including the day we take our last breath.
Somebody else died today. I mean of course they did. You got to live like there is no tomorrow cuz tomorrow is never promised so balls to the walls like we can’t fail and nobody else is watching. I used to live in a world where I was daddy’s little girl and now I am daddy’s most hated. Oh well sm I right? One day he will be gone and so will I be for that matter. I am scared for that day although it is coming much sooner than later. I can’t hide who it is I have come to know in life because truth be told I kind of like her.
I believe in me. Do you believe in me? Would it make a difference to me in any way if you told me that you don’t. It shouldn’t make q difference if I am to become the light I seek because in the end it should only be the light in me that matters. Not trying to state the obvious it’s not about your peace and how you are feeling its kinda more about me than it has ever been about you.
I don’t have the means to make it in Hollyeood but in my family I am the biggest star. Doesn’t that count for something? Shouldn’t that feel just as good? I love myself to be the light in every room because I was blessed a second chance and I promise you I am going to take it. I am going to love on myself so hard until the day I die and I don’t need anybody in particular who I love most of all is me. I was the only one who was always standing here when nobody else could. Should I feel shame for being the best friend I needed in life when nobody else would?
It’s all fair and love and war and who is for giving second chances? Not me. Not anymore anyways. After losing everything once in life I would hate to start again. The momentum has just started to change in my favour and I finally think I can. I feel that I am finally worthy of the life that was destined for me and there is something strangely intoxicating about that.
Facts are facts and then they are always backed by the truth. Some of us can’t afford the cost or even the time when we are running a full house. Maybe it makes sense to say it is cheaper somewhere else but that is if you only buy into that idea that you buy one strip at I time. I don’t. I pass on the savings to all of my friends. We throw parties and love on each other at least that is my dream. It is Mr Park’s too if you know what I mean. I met the man in person I heard what he had to say. It is like the 1970’s Tupperware party but with nails and that makes my day!!
What bothers me about being authentic is the judgemental eyes. The sideway glances and side eyes do nothing to disguise their feelings. Who doesn’t like to admire their own reflection? Perfectly paired outfits with coiffed hair and a winged eye. I think that is what makes me love the vintage era. Without mainstream media and accessibility more time was spent attending to self and family.