Yes we need to look out for number one but not at the expense of another. Never at the expense of another. You would never speak down against somebody when you can see that what they are speaking of is the truth. Their raw innocence becomes to much for some souls to bare so they resort to violence in the most archaic of ways. To have no reason to hate on one another other than plain old jealousy has been a story as old as time. We all learned about Shakespearean plays that spoke volumes to these facts that would confirm that most humans would kill form fame, fortune and matters of the heart.
Now these are just my thoughts about a situation that has arose and it deeply affected me. Not having many I trust in this life I kept this malicious keyboard attack completely to myself. I couldn’t engage. How could I? From the time I get up is a constant attack on my character. Be a better mom. Be a better wife. This is why you have no friends. This is why you have no life. Every little thing hurts and then my son gets up. There is no sinking feeling greater than hearing your son get so enraged. He needs help beyond what a mother can normally give. Have you ever heard your son talk about killing themselves and did I mention that he is only 4? Yes at 13 I threatened suicide but I was just raped. Did I squish my son to react like me? At 4 I would like to hope I didn’t, so? Of course I shut myself off because the life that I am living really hurts and it completely sucks.
Aren’t some people gross and the things that they can do? The way that they can overly justify their behaviour even though they are out of their minds and deranged. We have to stop giving people immediate access to us like they deserve it. Did they earn it in some way?? Did they go over and beyond the traditional conventional means or did they just waste away there on the sidelines using their anger as the be all and and end all to have it their way as it seems? Those who are overly aggressively in their mannerisms should serve as an immediate red light. Give to much room for them to wiggle out from underneath and you just might find yourself ending up slain.
I want to fight for REAL unconditional, acceptance and not this line of BS that most people will feed you. I guess that is what I got hanging out with the damaged and broken just like me. We were too damaged to be any benefit too each other so I gave up on trying to enjoy the ride. Unconditional acceptance should mean just that. I shouldn’t be thrown away because of my colored past but these girls want to have it that way. What sickens me the most is all the attention they drive for just to receive accolades. There are real damaged women out there who have been abused and it shouldn’t be sugar coated in any way or form. Rumours exist because of somebody else’s jealousy. You could believe all the lies that were said about me or you can come and get the truth directly from just me.
Somebody that I used to know. Not even a friend. If they tell you that they knew me in the past I would have to admit that I don’t think so not on my end. What I knew is that their sting was always going to be worse than their bite. I kept them at arms length for the most part their evil stench is what kept me awake most nights.
As I sit here in the cold trying to decide what to do all I can think about is how I wish this could end. I am so tired to hear the words of a man who promised to love me tell me I am not good enough to be the mom of my sweet Schmoo. He purposely sticks a knife in my chest then twists it till I can’t breathe. I need to get out of here but I have become too scared to leave so I sit in the cold all alone.
I am tired, so tired of having to listen to all the things he hates about me and in all the ways he tells me I fail. To have to listen to his self righteous tirade again just makes me want to put a bullet in my eye. I am not a loser with a family that has come from nothing. Our love was never conditional or could be bought with dollar and cents. One day I will be brave enough to finally walk away or take my own life. In the absence of human love I look towards my animals to save me. They are my true salvation.
Oh Retaeh our angel, that had to pay the ultimate price.I am aware that in a different time and story that it could have very easily been me not you. I am so sorry for what the evil’s of men have done to you find salvation in your eternal peace.
As a mother when do you think it is the most important time to feel accepted? Could it be when you are at a park with your son? Imagine your son light up at the sight of the park so you want him to play, I can’t remember the last time I saw him play with another child. I know I am different.
Be the person you were born to be before they took away your smile. One minute you were living carefree an the next minute you were a bundle of nerves too scared to breathe or open your eyes.