Thinking Of You

Some of the last conversations I have had have been the greatest. They have been an eye opener to my soul. To hear the struggling words and desperate thoughts escape from the lips that I once knew break my heart. These are people that were at the top of my class, at least in popularity everybody knew their name. I feel sad in knowing that in their final days they lived so broken hoping for the best but it will forever be out of their control

Broken Too Young

That was my living example of relationships to look up to. A boyfriend who bit me and put cigarettes out on me to a best friend who was robbing me blind and forever selling me out. If somebody more popular wanted to hand I was always just collateral damage. It’s no wonder I gravitate towards a boyfriend who was older in my senior year because I needed to get the h*ll out. I sent him on his way when it was time to finally start school. College was supposed to be my eye opener how was I to know it was the start to even more horror </3

Rise from the Ashes

There are those to easily accepted of the mundane. I would rather be like a Phoenix rising high out of the flames. If they only knew but what if they did? Ot wouldn’t change the heart I have or all the things I believed and said. My feet have always stayed grounded on the floor. I couldn’t stop myself from trying and keep on wanting more. I want my life to matter at the very least to myself.

Authentically By One

From time to time and only the humans I can trust. The ones who haven’t tried to pervert the human experience and make me feel like I am living in a shoe. Maybe not a shoe but I  like to feel like I belong but then I get confused. Do I want to belong in a world that makes no sense? Or do I want to be an enigma that is perfectly me. That can light up the night and hold out a hand. I would rather be a friend to one than many. What do you think? do you want to be loved by many or authentically by one?

Owning Mine

The idea that some, correction, most will complain until their hearts content without committing to an inability to change. My head hurts but most days the pressure is too much so I just sit in silence and hope the naseauting presence moves away. Like a rat nawing on festered intestines I want nothing to do with it.

Secretly We Do

The simplest way to look at life is to look towards all the basics that have been provided to us. It’s our limitations of our mind that make this existence unbearable.

Not Today Karen

Maybe it is the rednecks of the world that makes this a terrible place. The insults that she was spewing indicated that she has no problems letting her white privilege shine through. My olive skin and dark roots made it easy for you to spew your hate. Acting like your forefathers gave you this land and didn’t steal it teaching your children to behave and act out the same.
My whole life I wanted to believe that there was some sort of good in this world until I came across a being like you. You make me question what it means to be human and if we will ever see an end to race and hate in this world. When a neighbour can demoralize another mother for just making a basic human mistake I am scared for the future of tomorrow and what other type of human decency this world is determined to take.

Alone in the Dark

Last night as my son slept I traced every curve of his body.  He looked so peaceful as I put my head on his chest to hear his heart beating. Nobody ever notices me so I guess it wouldn’t matter if I was gone now would it. At least he wouldn’t have an addict, dead beat mom. I am so over being hated. The more I think the more I think that it all makes sense.

The Monster in Me

I am the one whose supposed best friend broke into my parents house at 19 with my ex bf the love of my life. Imagine my horror as my best friend and her new best friend were all snuggled up to my ex. More justification of my value, worthless to all and the brunt of most jokes. It felt like everybody around me was happy with friends and families and I had none.