Sure we all like to have a purpose and mine is being the best mom. I don`t know what I am doing however, but I will never give up on trying. I am not the best by any means but I determined to keep on going. Where those who don`t understand there will always be a being who eventually will. The focus needs to be on the love that you harbour and not what you hope to achieve. Spinning on all wheels we will try our best to be heard. Why does it matter who hears your cries when you can be the love in your heart that you and your family has always needed. Until you watch the heart of a four year old break right before you you will never understand what this all means. I have to be his pillar of strength and try to be the family of his dreams.
Magik can’t save us all but it can give us a little hope. It will make us take a look at the elements and try to understand how the manipulation of some items might just make for a better day. That is all some of us have in this cruel, cruel world. In an existence where foes can become lovers in the blink of an eye it can all be taken away and when it finally does we will be forced to remain in silent never again being able to have our say.
I will be honest I have stayed away from the facts of this war. I have become so consumed with my family life that I barely have time to come up for air. All I can protect is the energy in this house in between these four walls. Our existence will burn out together in a timeline we will never be able to predict. If a bomb were to sale over the seas and connect with my country it is very possible that there will be no more you and me. Should I be ok with that? What if that is all I can be. Accept the things you can not change and keep on keeping on like you have always did. I created a minimal super crazy existence. When all things are considered I only have the time to perfect this life that I am already in. I love that I can bring so much happiness in just doing my best. And on the days I am too tired, just showing up will always be just more than enough.
These holy men believed they were doing God’s work when they beat, starved, molested and God only knows what else to our beautiful Indigenous babes. They wanted to kill the “Indian” inside of them. That is the work of the devil and pure evil who could even distort such thinking in these ways yet we do nothing and sit and silence and let their ancestors pick at their graves. Oh don’t worry it is ok we are giving them their own holiday just to say sorry. Is that how we value the human experience and nothing more. I can’t live this way so oblivious to others. How is it that we all wanted to get here so fast with no regards to the actual cost?
Think of the girl we were born to be, before the world got to cold and took our smile away. There had to be a way to set aside those that understood my journey and to them I didn’t need to keep explaining. They didn’t roll their eyes and say, “OMG not another MLM vomit”, no my VIP’s greeted me with open arms and I could hear their cheer even when I had shut the blinds and pulled the blanket over my eyes and begged for the darkness of night to take my cheer away. These women came and celebrated my victories and heard my cries and said let’s host another Nail Bar, let’s do what you love doing, let’s celebrate beauty and sisterhood and all the things that you stand for and all the things that you were born to do.
“Blow your brains out. Eat all the pills.” Your life is worthless to all those around you. Do us all a favour and say goodbye. These words have always been a part of my life in some shape or form. I am tired of those around me trying to impose their wishes that involves me paying the ultimate price. I remember trying to kill myself at 13 when I found out my boyfriend at the time was sleeping with his cousin.
It makes no difference if you are a man or a mouse unless you are the mouse because you are incapable of being strong enough or big enough to ever defeat a man. Unless of course Mother Nature get’s sick of mans sh*t and unleashes another plague. All that should show you is, it does pay to do the right thing in the end.
People are capable of really bad things and I learned early on it is best not to ask questions. If you don’t ask anything you don’t know. Nobody can tax you or make you pay retribution for something in your mind that doesn’t even exist. You can’t rat on an associate if you know nothing. If you run with bad people make sure of that.
UN Human Development Index for Indigenous people Canada ranks #48 yet for everybody else in Canada the index is 8. Did you know that racism amongst our Indigenous communities is the norm, not the exception with 46% living OFF the reserve having been a victim of racism or discrimination. “Initially, Canada refused to endorse the UN Declaration on the Rights of Indigenous Peoples, which is an instrument established to ensure the individual and collective rights of indigenous peoples.” For a peace loving nation that prides themselves on being inclusive and multiculturalism why wouldn’t we want to protect our most valuable asset? If we are truly ashamed of what is now being brought into light why aren’t we trying to do better?
Ignorance is bliss unless you want to be empowered. You can’t claim not knowing for every little thing. The true way to heal and bond in the way that life was meant to be is to stop feeding into the lies and pave your own way. Yes it is easier to do what we have already been conditioned to believe but in doing so I fail to feel and I fail to truly breathe. I want to feel all the things the good, bad and the ugly. If others had to endure this incredible pain then I want to do what I can to disperse it.