The way they would look at me or talk down to me because of the way I dressed or desired to be myself. Why would I conform to everybody else’s set of standards when there is nothing of value to leech from? Everything is made in a factory in China or maybe by children in Indonesia. Living proof we don’t care what is served at other people’s tables our house is lined with junk to confirm that fact. That is why I like handmade or home cured none of this coming in plastic crap. Sorry for venting I just see this world filling with garbage a lot quicker than we want to give ourselves credit for.
When I see shots on my social depicting rape I don’t say anything why is it that you are determined to report lil ol me? All these sacrifices being made as you sub to your leader triggers me in all the wrong ways without you even batting an eye, but me? My PTSD and anxiety threatens to take over me. What I don’t understand is how my pot smoking triggers you even though I need this delicious elixir just to breath.
How can you keep focused on joining the world on your terms and not getting carried away with what other people are doing or even what it is they are trying to say. Everybody has an opinion and everybody is entitled to say that they know themselves best but it is those over zealous, self righteous beings that trying to corrupt the rest of us so that we too are thinking the same way. That type of control is dangerous and prevents us from having a free mind. Just look at all the ways the government has been sent to control us keeping it so that we will never have our day. Taxes, oh the taxes with the majority of what is being collected paying an astronomical wage. I get it. Trust me I do. We need to send our world leaders to come together so they can perfect together how to blow the most smoke out of everybody’s *sses. I think it is our politicians who carry the most diseases just like the rats of the bubonic plague.
Composing ones thoughts is hard. Putting them together into a nice concise package to peak another’s curiosity and brain is another thing entirely. I am not everybody’s cup of tea. In fact I think my cup is kept in a constant state of being luke warm. As much as I want to put myself out…
Why? We remember Anne Frank. We swear to her image that this kind of thing would never happen in our time. That we are better than those who lived before us but are we? Look at what we are allowing to be done. So ya. I am not like you. I am not like any of you that think you are better than this space of time we find ourselves in. I can’t live so superficially when those who share this time with me or suffering I need to find a way to help others get their heads out of the sand. Yes finding your identity is one thing but can we do it at the expense of another human life? I know the answer to that question already it is the your answer that I fear.
So where I thought that I was the one who needed saving I finally can admit that I am strong enough to begin saving the rest of the world. My smile maybe a little less than sunny perfection but it comes with one of the biggest hearts and intentions that you have ever felt or seen. I used to think it was bad to be your own best friend singing your praises but how else do you light up the night for the rest of the world to find? Ya sure to some I may mean nothing but I know to one that is living I am absolutely the center of his world and he is mine too.
Curiously I am teetering on the edge. Not in a bad way but in a way that is demanding my immediate attention. Don’t worry. Me and those I love are not in any immediate harm. Although that would depend on how corrupted your brain is and how appropriate it is for individuals to live their own lives. To brace their own lives free of harm and ridicule but even I know how ridiculous these words already sound. We are a violent species. Killing for fun and to receive accolades. It is no wonder we have perverted what coming alive truly means.
Sure we all like to have a purpose and mine is being the best mom. I don`t know what I am doing however, but I will never give up on trying. I am not the best by any means but I determined to keep on going. Where those who don`t understand there will always be a being who eventually will. The focus needs to be on the love that you harbour and not what you hope to achieve. Spinning on all wheels we will try our best to be heard. Why does it matter who hears your cries when you can be the love in your heart that you and your family has always needed. Until you watch the heart of a four year old break right before you you will never understand what this all means. I have to be his pillar of strength and try to be the family of his dreams.
Magik can’t save us all but it can give us a little hope. It will make us take a look at the elements and try to understand how the manipulation of some items might just make for a better day. That is all some of us have in this cruel, cruel world. In an existence where foes can become lovers in the blink of an eye it can all be taken away and when it finally does we will be forced to remain in silent never again being able to have our say.
I will be honest I have stayed away from the facts of this war. I have become so consumed with my family life that I barely have time to come up for air. All I can protect is the energy in this house in between these four walls. Our existence will burn out together in a timeline we will never be able to predict. If a bomb were to sale over the seas and connect with my country it is very possible that there will be no more you and me. Should I be ok with that? What if that is all I can be. Accept the things you can not change and keep on keeping on like you have always did. I created a minimal super crazy existence. When all things are considered I only have the time to perfect this life that I am already in. I love that I can bring so much happiness in just doing my best. And on the days I am too tired, just showing up will always be just more than enough.