I am a forever dreamer which is the intoxicating gift of what is my life. In my presence I can make you believe that anything and everything is possible and it should be because we only have this one shot and it’s a shame that most of us will never get that confidence to take. Some are very undeserving of the life that they have been given and they will one day pay the ultimate price. It will never be known exactly how but rest assured karma likes to take a bite out of the most ripest *ss. There is only so much the Universe can handle before it takes it too personal and begins fighting back. It will start with pandemics and famines then wars will rage throughout the lands. If a great reset was to occur would you be ok with all the things you have done here? If tomorrow was not promised and these last few hours were all you got, can you say you did the things you were proud of if because this the end and all you got.
I have to be fierce and teach him it is ok to stand out. That it is ok to not be accepted by everybody because only you know what lays inside and how it feels when you are being left out. Excluded from being normal you accept the fact because you know you were born special. Born with the fists of furry beneath you never tiring just constantly feeling things out. The over active mind is a real special thing as it will always challenge your existence to live for a better day.
A fool and his money are soon parted but what happens to the fool when it comes to his mind? Nothing permeates our inner being faster than trying to fit in, up to and including lying to the world about who it is we are to become. I know my mind and I know my truth and my reality is that I was born to never fit in with the rest of the world. Sure it is isolating. Like a one man island but I would rather live here than where I was living before. Most friends and family only come around when they need something so I cut them off. My mind is to fragile to constantly be playing games with those that will never keep my sanity in mind.
There are those that are just cringe worthy in everything they do. I never understood the mentality of feeding on the weak of heart instead of including another to come and play. I am not scared to stand alone nor will I ever be .At least I know that I am who I say I am and I don’t need to strain myself to believe. No more whispers to come out of the dark to bully or haunt me, no. I am a fierce, strong women who is descendent upon greatness and I will radiate towards like mends until I can no longer walk and take my last breath. When you continue you to surround yourself with greatness you are already at peace and you find yourself at home. Why force yourself to fill something that is beyond you after all these years?
I wish I gave a rat’s ass more but truth be told the reason I don’t is because I have felt the pain from somebody else’s filth. Like a hot burning rash that no ointment can soothe I rather sit alone than sit around tending to my open wounds. I know who I am and what I stand for and what gives me drive sometimes we just need the reminder. Like a kick in the arse or an eventual turn of the check you won’t get me twice, you won’t even get a chance to speak.
Walk a mile in my shoes unless I am bored and prone to coming unglued than all bets are off. These type of people are just a waste of time in my mind. Why even bother showing up if you hate everything about me and who I once was? All I was trying to do was survive a serious of continuous unfortunate events and be around the people I love. Is there people out there that even love me anymore or have all of them begin to weed themselves out and die? I wish I could feel something other than all this pain. The reel of my life plays more like a Hollywood movie than a country girl who only dared to dream.
People are capable of really bad things and I learned early on it is best not to ask questions. If you don’t ask anything you don’t know. Nobody can tax you or make you pay retribution for something in your mind that doesn’t even exist. You can’t rat on an associate if you know nothing. If you run with bad people make sure of that.
My husband should be understanding that there is only so long before a human does move on after being ignored all these years. It’s not like I don’t tell him. I just think it is funny that a man can go insane over somebody they were just starting to get to know. I am not looking to get laid or have any sort of one night stand. I just want to finally be accepted for all the things that I am.
At the same I am getting told off by some narcissist sliding into my DM’s with the latest dick pick I am also getting told off by my husband. I hate saying anything. Most times I just freeze up and become mute. On one end I am getting called a douche because I don’t want to respond to this hyper sexualized person as my husband arrives home to dictate my day.
In his smile I see every child that has ever taken a breath before and I thank the heavens that I get to squeeze his cute lil chin and his even sweeter cheruby little cheeks. My purpose here on this Earth as never been so clear. I am merely a servant, protector of human entities that need a chance to be healed. Follow your passion, follow your dreams is what whispers to me everyday. I want to feel connected to the blood that was spilled. I need Mother Earth to know I care.