I think that is why I always wanted to be somebody. When everybody was laughing at me I always thought just you wait and see. I will work my fingers to the bone just to prove to you my worth not that it matters anymore but I feel that pressure still the same. I am embarrassed of who I am and the life that I had endured but at the time that I was living it all I wanted was to survive.
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A Cracked Mind
I don’t know if it was me pulling the wool over my eyes or those voices in my head. The ones that keep on telling me that my best will never be good enough and I would be better off dead. There isn’t much to look forward to these days as I go through the movements and try to stop other people from seeing red.
White Knuckle It
Watching him sleep I know that I am doing the best that I can and my heart swells with pride when he refers to me as his best friend. I love that guy to the ends of the Universe and the furthest depths of my soul that he will have me trying relentlessly until the day that I am forced to let go. There is nothing I won’t do to help my little man succeed and that includes everything as far as the eye can see.
The Need for Darkness
There is this incredible noxious air that has decided to transcend itself down all around me. I can’t truly speak to how it got here except for I am ready for a change, but I am not sure if I even have it in me to begin to try.
A Life Unheard
It is true what they say we are all made of the same elements. If you have to take a look at the bare bones and our make-up our DNA becomes our story down here kind of like our imprint. Our DNA can tell us where we came from and who we once were, it shines like a beacon to remind us that we were all down here at one time or another so in essence it validates our existence. I wonder if one day we can unlock the code so that all of our stories can one day be told in full. Wouldn’t that be the most wonderful where no life lived goes unheard?
A Silver Lining
I didn’t want to let go of something that was so horrendous to me. If it could happen to anybody it was more than likely going to happen to me. I grew up accustomed to the drama and all the sinking feelings that a life lived in this reality could bring and once I got the hang of it I couldn’t fathom the idea that anybody that I loved would ever have to experience a similar thing. That’s where fables and fairytales originate from, they serve as a reminder and beacon to where your heart first began beating and learned how to sing.
Capturing An Essence
That is what happens when you turn on your roots for no good reason. I mean his brothers and sisters didn’t do a dang thing. In fact they still try and believe in his good name. Not me. I read somewhere as a daughter I forgive you as a mother though, I never can. I couldn’t imagine for any reason turning on my children even if I left my husband for another in this life. And believe me one day I will. It is just not the right time in this moment so I try my best to just lay still. It’s hard for me though because I was born to stand out. Dying was such a gift to me. It gave me clarity in my life where I used to have doubt.
Mental Health (A Week in Practice)
How can you keep focused on joining the world on your terms and not getting carried away with what other people are doing or even what it is they are trying to say. Everybody has an opinion and everybody is entitled to say that they know themselves best but it is those over zealous, self righteous beings that trying to corrupt the rest of us so that we too are thinking the same way. That type of control is dangerous and prevents us from having a free mind. Just look at all the ways the government has been sent to control us keeping it so that we will never have our day. Taxes, oh the taxes with the majority of what is being collected paying an astronomical wage. I get it. Trust me I do. We need to send our world leaders to come together so they can perfect together how to blow the most smoke out of everybody’s *sses. I think it is our politicians who carry the most diseases just like the rats of the bubonic plague.
Price to Pay
Composing ones thoughts is hard. Putting them together into a nice concise package to peak another’s curiosity and brain is another thing entirely. I am not everybody’s cup of tea. In fact I think my cup is kept in a constant state of being luke warm. As much as I want to put myself out…
So what have I done? Have I gone insane? I am not sure entirely but I know I want to live happy and for my family to feel the same. What I have is a desire to draw out other’s ability to love themselves by looking in the mirror a different way. Instead of looking at all the scars, wrinkles and grey hairs why not look to nature as it does the same. We can all age together while we look at ourselves as living art. Keeping a tidy home and a perfectly paired outfit while loving on your children and husband as he goes to work. I want to live in the image like my Grandmother did because I love her so much even to this day. I don’t want her to look down at me with any regrets and I want her to know that I still honour her to this day. I do so with my love of Color Street by helping other woman fall in love with their hands. And of course I am love with being a housewife who is collecting a paycheck, helping out my family any way that I can. Check out my latest Color Street video at https://youtu.be/8j2JZCiP3Kg and make sure to like and suscribe xx
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