One Day

This world hurts without you and I look for you in everything I do. Is this a sign from you sweetness. I need to know that you are safe and sound on the other side. It kills me to think that I delivered that final blow. I close my eyes to hear your breath in my ear. How I miss the sweet breath of your smile. There is so much life around me that for a minute it no longer hurts. Then I remember how sweet you were and how you are never coming and the wave of emotions just threatens to take over once again. I know I loved you the moment I saw you and you were my heaven brought to life. Even now I close my eyes to feel you because I am scared I will forget one day what you feel like.

My Sweet Lucille

The vet warned me for what could possibly happen and I mean all the POSSIBILITIES. As death came for her she climbed up my arm. She took her final breath in my ear and then collapsed down into my arms. The whole time I told her I would never let her go and what I meant by that was the memories and love that we shared. Her heart, soul and spirit. As the Vet checked her vitals and told me she was gone I didn’t feel the cold movement of energy that one normally feels. What I felt was the crystals beside her burning red hot into my hands. I didn’t want the vet to see them so I tucked them quickly inside my bra. The hardest part was giving up her body. I kept running to kiss her head just one more time alright maybe two. In death I normally feel the severance of energy but I didn’t feel it with her this time. Lucy, my sweet, Lucy please wait for me on the other side.

Grief and other mixed emotions…

Sunday, family day. The day where families come together to celebrate, laugh, cry and arm themselves for the week ahead. Sunday was supposed to be a day for deeper discoveries of the dynamics that is my family, in particular my husband. Unfortunately for one our family has become one smaller. It has been one year…