To think too hard of what could be would only make me insane. I try to fall aimlessly through time not gripping to hard at objects as I go. I surround myself with playful silence because it is all my brain has left. Hurt by being too open at times. How I wonder how long till my heart stays closed.
I maintain I came to ruffle up a whole bunch of feathers in the most cordial of ways. We all hide behind Jesus like he didn’t like to party. Even he saw the value of living humbly and authentically and not lying to save face. Just saying. I never denied that he did walk this Earth. I just know that he would be horrified but he died so we could live out our sins. I am not saying it is right for us to live the way that we do. But most of us are all just content living as monkey see so monkey do.
There is no hidden tricks. No secrets for us to find. Just a sisterhood of beauty and make-up where we get paid along the way. I am tired of funding somebody else’s dreams, children’s braces or even tuition. I can do it all myself and I can do it all by looking good. That’s what made it simple by committing to myself for only 6 months. I know I am worth it and I know you are worth it we all have a dream we are working towards and we all deserve to be surrounded by love and happiness while being our true authentic self.
What do I know really, how could I have possibly been on the down and out. Just some 38 year old sleeping on the basement floor going back to school living pay check to pay check. I had two jobs and had taken out a student loan and then I found somebody more broken then me. I know I am unloveable that was my curse from being a teen but my husband has just been unlucky in love more so than me.
What if we could be more confident in our demeanor knowing that others feel the same expectations as we do and their is safety in numbers instead of walking all destitute and alone? We are only as strong as our greatest ally who should always these days be unnamed. One being the image that defines you and the other tries desperately to carry on your name. Neither one knowing of the other as we dress to cover our mood instead of dressing to make ourselves feel good rarely can both images be seen in the same room.
Have you heard of Folke Bernadotte? But I bet you have heard of Queen Elizabeth. Both blue blooded royalty. One gave back to their people with the sole purpose of being kind and doing onto others as you wish were done onto you and the other. Well we already know about the other. Saving herself…
Not too many of us want to attract negative energy or attention. So if I can draw out those people who think our weight, our height, our race, our sexual preference is a means to discard us from being treated with manners then my life’s purpose is unfolding as it should. My goal has always been to try and stop those from being hurt and enduring any pain and suffering.
My weakness has always been my ability to cry at the drop of a hat. I used to get called so many names. Even my family would roll their eyes and make fun of me as being too emotional and my favourite is when I was being told to grow up. I was always apologizing for feeling things. Like feelings are invalid. I learned to cry behind closed doors. That is if I could wait that long. Being called a baby when you feel sad that soembody else’s heart hurts is the worst feeling.