You have to appreciate everything you have been given that includes yours strengths and weaknesses. The stories you have in your arsenal to use to connect with people. It has always been easier to feel relaxed in the company of people we think we may understand. Unless their experience was way crappier than ours than then they win over our sympathy.
My life has slowed down dramatically and all my focus has been turned inwards. Not just on my well being but the well being of my family. The exhaustion that comes from such a hectic life is rewarded handsomely by the unconditional love that those in my care provide. Of course I have boundaries and set realistic limits but nothing drives me more than trying to make them all happy.
I was convinced that the more hurt that I could take on the less hurt that would be out there for others to feel. I was doing everything wrong. I would drink. I would party. I would stay out late. More than likely black out. Be an active member of the workforce and do it all over again. I was not even a hot mess. I was a disaster and living with the pain was a common thing.
My passion for my life gets skewed with the passion of others. I want others to live their best lives even if it is at my expense. Of course like a positively charged ion I react but I am getting better. There is nothing worth not reacting too if it ignites something deep within us.
“Pro wife tip let the dishes pile up so you have something to do the next day.” I am all about good natured ribbing but not like this an not when there is no affection tied to it at anytime.
It is enough to be gentle and kind but start with yourself and nurture your own mind. It is something so simple as being loving and kind. Betrayal in yourself becomes a quick killing poison forsaking all those you love and taking your spirit away with it.
The longer she was gone the more scared I became but as I looked around I found out what I could be appreciative for. Those that I asked and even our neighbors were very receptive and sympathetic to our pet. It gave me a little faith in our neighborhood and maybe an insight to what’s to come. I never made my interview ( I couldn’t imagine faking being happy during all this) but the lovely lady rescheduled so we all have that to look forward to. And for those that are wondering what happened to my husband’s cat. Well that cat eventually did come back.
The way some of us talk, “oh, I wasn’t there, that wasn’t me or my family.” I don’t give a damn if you were because we are talking about now. If somebody tells you right here, right now that something that happened in the past affects them to their core you should honour those feelings and try to heal them. Somewhere throughout their time line in multiple layers of DNA is a rupture that was brought on by the hands of another.
My life is only worth what I deem it to be and I don’t need anybody else coming up with their own facts. I appreciate the time and space I find myself in the good, the bad and the ugly because it is going to help shape my son and his destiny. The more obstacles you learn to overcome and trouble that you face you can only come out stronger don’t you think?
I am tired of watching those get shunned for asking questions trying to understand the purpose and place that is their life. I am thankful for my voice and the opportunity to express it even if it only just resonates between one or two. I feel that deep inside of all of us we can be the voice of reason and change if only what we had to say stopped falling of deaf ears. We just need to find each other amongst the chaos so we can heal and live again.