All I want to do is share my story in the most creative of ways and help others learn to love themselves and be mindful of what it is they say. Maybe not to others just always speak the truth. I am talking of being kinder to yourself no matter who it is you find who has entered the room. Life is meant to be lived happy and the more we listen to those on top the further we will go and the more life will seem to slip away. Suicide rates and depression are sky rocketing and it is because in essence we are made to feel like we can never measure up. I know I have struggled with who it was I wanted to identify with. There are those that I wanted to believe in that made it so tough.
So what have I done? Have I gone insane? I am not sure entirely but I know I want to live happy and for my family to feel the same. What I have is a desire to draw out other’s ability to love themselves by looking in the mirror a different way. Instead of looking at all the scars, wrinkles and grey hairs why not look to nature as it does the same. We can all age together while we look at ourselves as living art. Keeping a tidy home and a perfectly paired outfit while loving on your children and husband as he goes to work. I want to live in the image like my Grandmother did because I love her so much even to this day. I don’t want her to look down at me with any regrets and I want her to know that I still honour her to this day. I do so with my love of Color Street by helping other woman fall in love with their hands. And of course I am love with being a housewife who is collecting a paycheck, helping out my family any way that I can. Check out my latest Color Street video at https://youtu.be/8j2JZCiP3Kg and make sure to like and suscribe xx
This family only notices when it comes to tearing my heart out and watching me bleed. I can`t win for trying and it is starting to pull me from every which way. Sure it shouldn`t matter so much the opinion of fools but do they always have to stand around waiting to see if I fall?
Now try and not get confused by this life I have decided to live. I don’t like wasting my money to indulge in another’s heightened curiosity of me or how they believe I should be. Maybe I am a THC addict or maybe it shouldn’t matter so much as long as I am minding my own business and all my bills are getting paid. You never see my hand out asking for nothing, not even a hang out. I don’t care to be around those that are just trying to even the score. When I used to have friends I told them all my truths so it was very clear, I never needed another being trying to hold who I am against me. I am tired of living that way and I won’t no more.
What defines us from being human or a true monster is how we treat those closest to us in our inner fold. You might think you are surrounded by friends but just wait to see how infested those waters become when you find that your backs are suddenly turned. Sharks can’t control the way they behave when they get a scent of blood. They become enraptured killing anything and everything they come into contact with never thinking of the consequences just trying to get their fill. I wonder if at times they think if they could live a life more peaceful instead of living a life of a predator forever instead. Imagine not being born a killer but in the end having to be one just to keep your bellies fed. Survival of the fittest. I wonder how many of us are just mean sometimes because in the end we are all trying our best just to fit in.
Making room for those in your life that always come and go makes no sense. Why. Why again after all this time would you reach out a helping hand. I think life might just be hard enough without all the extra dramatics so I will just keep to myself instead. Imagine a life time of living up to somebody elses expectations when it is probably easier to kick yourself in the head. I mean one is just as easy isn’t it. I would rather keep my mind numb at my expense than another stupidity, wouldn’t you. Anyways, in the end nothing will truly matter but it will take us wasting our whole lives to find that out. What we find so important right now in this moment is something we will never be able to take with us anyways so why bother. Why bother to be so cruel in a period of time that makes no sense or we can try to be more patient with each other. I think that is what is needed most right now, don’t you.
If I close my eyes it feels like just yesterday complete with touch, sound and smell. I hear her loving voice guiding me reminding me that in her eyes that I can do no wrong. She wanted to grant me the chance of having a family because she knew in my heart that was all that I ever wanted. She needed to use this time before I became a new mother to remind me of what was important and what was right. That there would always be temptation and evil intentions that are always out there trying to persuade you and mislead you. Evil never wins but they do try to prevent us from rising above them and getting to the top. That was why Death kept coming for me to remind me that some choices will have consequences and can be dire.
Nature is the one constant that has been here since the early dawns of time. It was life in all of its abundance that covered this Earth at one time without us even knowing why. Instead of learning to coincide hand and hand we demolished huge forests and erected grotesque cities. We pushed out all wildlife and extinguished trees and nature like it was no big deal and in essence like it was our own God given right. Just because they can’t pray to an entity that a few man have used to control us doesn’t mean their life is worthless, I think it means the opposite. They are able to live their life in a more controlled way. They want to love unconditionally until they learn that that love isn’t reciprocated and in the heels of recognizing this fact too late they end up living their whole lives broken and defeated. Nature saved me now it is time for me to save nature. I will do almost anything to help this innocent entity stay alive.
We want to be remembered as being the most beautiful or at the very least acquiring all the most things. How incredibly archaic but it speaks volumes to the pharaohs that used to rule their land. They allowed millions upon millions of people to sacrifice their whole lives in order for another to take all their material possession’s to the grave. They didn’t want to leave them behind for anybody all to acquire, no. They had to try and take it all with them letting their own selfishness light up the night sky like a beacon. Those temples to the sky are an immediate example in the first sight of humans that began to live wrong. Of course millions were scorned with this heavy life sentence never knowing how freedom can feel when it is coursing through their veins. That was the example we followed and used it to fuel the wars that were beginning to lit up in our brains. We can take what we want and use a heavy hand all that truly matters is that we are courageous enough to stand tall where we stand. Look at the statues of our founding fathers, covered in accusations of bigot behaviour and abuse that is still running rampant long after they were laid to rest in their graves.
I know what it feels like to be made out to be no good. Damaged goods and high collateral why try to fix something that is too broken to fix. All he wants is time but in his Dad’s eyes he will never find any. That crushing blow of never getting a patriarch to accept you is something that will break your heart and rot your brain. To never measure up to the standards and ideals of even a more broken man is completely and utterly ridiculous but here we are and here is where we will remain. I will pick up the pieces and learn to live happy and remain determined and focused till I live my last day. What is most important to me is the life that I find myself around and how can I help them thrive and be most happy that I can tolerate almost any other kind of being.