That is what happens when you turn on your roots for no good reason. I mean his brothers and sisters didn’t do a dang thing. In fact they still try and believe in his good name. Not me. I read somewhere as a daughter I forgive you as a mother though, I never can. I couldn’t imagine for any reason turning on my children even if I left my husband for another in this life. And believe me one day I will. It is just not the right time in this moment so I try my best to just lay still. It’s hard for me though because I was born to stand out. Dying was such a gift to me. It gave me clarity in my life where I used to have doubt.
The rage that resides in his heart will never be mended so I had to part ways with the entity that gave me life. It is a strange surreal feeling being disconnected from your life force always thinking, “what can this possibly all mean.” My father must have just been a vessel to get me to this life and now once that I have arrived here his presence in my life serves no purpose. Strange isn’t it. Where some fathers get so obsessed they would kill before they let their loved ones leave the house my father just acts like we are dead. There isn’t a single being that he has given life to that he still talks to so I have immense faith that it is not me. That the evil that resides in this course of our path has always been him and now in the presence of our angels he and his evil intentions could never possibly win. So what that means to me is the father in our timeline is just a passing fancy and by no means our reality. That by expunging this great evil from my thoughts I should find prosperity instead of being carried down deep into the pits of hell that defy me.
A fool and his money are soon parted but what happens to the fool when it comes to his mind? Nothing permeates our inner being faster than trying to fit in, up to and including lying to the world about who it is we are to become. I know my mind and I know my truth and my reality is that I was born to never fit in with the rest of the world. Sure it is isolating. Like a one man island but I would rather live here than where I was living before. Most friends and family only come around when they need something so I cut them off. My mind is to fragile to constantly be playing games with those that will never keep my sanity in mind.
There are those that are just cringe worthy in everything they do. I never understood the mentality of feeding on the weak of heart instead of including another to come and play. I am not scared to stand alone nor will I ever be .At least I know that I am who I say I am and I don’t need to strain myself to believe. No more whispers to come out of the dark to bully or haunt me, no. I am a fierce, strong women who is descendent upon greatness and I will radiate towards like mends until I can no longer walk and take my last breath. When you continue you to surround yourself with greatness you are already at peace and you find yourself at home. Why force yourself to fill something that is beyond you after all these years?
What other people will chose to do to end another’s life is sickening so we truly have to shine our brightest and say what it is we are trying to say. I want to live a life that makes sense and if it only makes sense to me than I have succeeded. I am tired of spinning inside of a hamster wheel in the hopes that maybe one day I will be who I set out to be. But I can’t if I am stuck spinning in a circle with no desire to get off the pot and give my life that authentic shot. Who gives a damn about you when you stop caring not the one with the arms out waiting to put a knife in your back. Be weary of the kindness of strangers but not overly. You don’t want to push somebody away that you should have been running towards.
We all don’t have to get along and like each other but we don’t have to be somebody who is prepared to do a cover up for one monster. At the time I felt I had no choice. In essence I never did. I always insisted on being kept out of the information circle. My heart would not be able to cover up so mean. Those people are no longer in my life and maybe I am too quick to judge. The thought is not everybody is meant for everybody so I will just gravitate towards those that fuel my soul. Not every does and not everybody will. Family will feel like strangers and when that happens you will think you failed. You don’t have to be around those just because you share the same proverbial blood. Be around those that lift you up the highest and want to see you succeed in life than continuously fail.
There has to be a purpose a reason that can only be seen once we are finally knocking on that door so why be an *sshole here and now and make it incredibly impossible for others to live and breathe. When I begin to attract the light of the entities that once was and that I hope to find once more blessings happen. Small ones. Ones that only a heart that is truly open can finally feel and understand. When you see those blessings arise in a seemingly impossible day you get inspired. You get all the feels and you finally begin to feel good. All the hard work and determination starts paying off in small ways and you know that it is the love that you have found in others that is the drive in everything behind. Without their purpose and their will and their insight into every day I don’t think I could find a purpose or even a will to stay.
Think of the girl we were born to be, before the world got to cold and took our smile away. There had to be a way to set aside those that understood my journey and to them I didn’t need to keep explaining. They didn’t roll their eyes and say, “OMG not another MLM vomit”, no my VIP’s greeted me with open arms and I could hear their cheer even when I had shut the blinds and pulled the blanket over my eyes and begged for the darkness of night to take my cheer away. These women came and celebrated my victories and heard my cries and said let’s host another Nail Bar, let’s do what you love doing, let’s celebrate beauty and sisterhood and all the things that you stand for and all the things that you were born to do.
The users of the world should have their time but for now we are just waiting for the tides to turn. Ethics seem to be more of a passing fancy. Not too many are willing to engage. What is good for one may not be good for another yet we are all intertwined in this most incestuous way. Did you hear what so and so did with so and so? No. I have no l idea what it is you are trying to say. Or who it is you are talking about. Life isn’t like that now. We know everybody’s business. Our access to social media ensures us of that. Yap, Yap but don’t clap back because if you have a difference of an opinion there will be an army of fools ready to lynch you and hang you out to dry. There is nothing more powerful than trolls in big numbers. Trolls get their power from being heard and unseen.
Did you know that approximately 80 % of premature aging is caused by the sun? That warm golden globe promising us life as it carefully speeds up the hands of father time. We all know that there are certain activities that some engage in that will increase the affects of the sun. Some of these external factors would include UV exposure, sunlamps, environmental exposure, environment, poor skin care maintenance, misuse of products, allergies and reactions and photo sensitivity.