Month: July 2023

My Failure to be Authentic

We live in a world where we fail to acknowledge our own authenticity…any authenticity and not only is it alarming but it’s kind of sad. It’s hard to truly know anybody and even harder to find those that we can trust.

Ten of Swords

Oh no what does this mean? Your thoughts and comments are more than welcome here but to me this is hard to wrap my head around because I have always been one for the dramatics. The thought of having to let go of what I believe is over 90% of me I just don’t know what I would do. OmG here I am going on and on again, I think what this card is trying to tell me is to just let go. Let go of the things that I can’t control and try to stop wallowing in the past. What is meant for me in this life will come and find me so why don’t I have a spot a tea and try to relax.

Other People’s Pain

I don’t want anybody crying at my funeral if they didn’t appreciate me when I was alive. How can you shed a tear for me when you couldn’t even check in on me and my family? We have allowed social media to be our means of communication and all I can do is shake my head. I don’t understand why so many people go missing from our lives and only show up after we are dead.

“What Am I Made For?”

Let that sink in and ask yourself again “What am I made for?” You have to have a very clear picture of this in your head. The minute you give yourself up to your calling is the minute white towels will be thrown in your honour and it is best to give yourself some time to marinade in it because in the end we all end up dead.

Losing Momentum

The idea that some of us feel that we need to come off of medications out of fear of not being accepted by anybody is ridiculous. Seriously? We are all built out of singular atoms and molecules after all. How can we deny that some events that we have been forced to live through can permanently alter our own make-up and be the reason why we fail.

This Is It

I wanted to try and make our relationship work and bridge the gap that seems to be getting wider but not after last night when I saw what gets him off. He shouldn’t be telling our son that I am less of a person for the chemical imbalance in my brain and he sure as hell shouldn’t be telling him disgusting, in my eyes he is the one that looks to be insane. At least I had the courage to talk to a professional which is more than what he can do.

My Silent Era

That is the secret and the key to what I have been missing. I have to honour the body that I have been given instead of distorting it to fit into a different image. This journey that I am on, I believe is pivotal to my mental health. I need to be silent and strong enough to listen to my body in order to defy the odds that have been laid out in front of me in order to make it through the noise instead.

Destined for Something Greater.

He said something to me last night as I was letting go of the possibility of a being a mom again, “I miss my friends up their mommy but I chose to run a long way to be with you guys down here. I know I will see them again one day,” then he snuggled in close to me. What can I say. Now that I know him I live this life for him so I will do everything that I can to be the best mom that I possibly can.

What My Depression Gave Me

NO more will I try to be a part of anybody else’s story. I don’t want to rewrite any chapters just so that I can somehow fit in. If you have turned your back on me once you will never get that chance again. I don’t know what title God deemed to give you before this all started and I had to begin.

Becoming Too Old

I feel even more like a failure and I can’t stop these tears from leaving my eyes. All I have ever known was this curse that has made me a woman now it is all downhill from here. There will be more wrinkles to take over my face as my hair grey hair lets loose and flies in the wind. My metabolism has already began to slow as I begin to have the hint of a second chin.