Sure it’s hard and I get distracted but I always take a deep breath and get myself back up! Don’t you? If you could? That is why I keep talking so much gibberish. Just a little word vomit this cold, Saturday morning makes me wonder how it is you are doing? Do you find peace and calm in and amongst the day or is there more chaos in every possible way? Take a deep breath and don’t forget to breath. There is peace in your own serenity that nobody could ever take away from you and nobody could ever find. Have faith in your truth and knowing who you are. One day you will be returned you were destined to be a star.
Decades of being the victim I still play the part even though the reality of it is all that was a lifetime ago. I don’t know any other way than to play the part. What would that mean to me if all that abuse never happened? If I never played the part of the victim and found a way to honor the child I was before it all got blown out of proportion and I was made out to feel some sort of way. Never destined to be good enough or even invited out to play I was born to be a loner. A loner in abundance what it means to be alive. I feel comfort amongst the inadequate life that finds a way to embrace me in such a way that man could never.
They say don’t fear the reaper but maybe time should fear you and me. The ones who are tired of hamster wheel running and being made to believe that dreams will always be broken instead of that silver lining that was promised. I try to believe in that lining but mine has long become rainbow glitter. I would rather live a life being the most annoying then being driven into oblivion to become a mute. Shine like it is your last moment living cuz it very much could be. There are no promises of what could have been just a hope of simplicity between you and me.
Life in it’s entirety will never ever make sense. Not to us. Not in this lifetime. The most we can hope for is an existence that brings us some sort of peace right up to the bitter end.Time why are you so unforgiving on your relentless path? Can’t you give us some sort of inkling of what is to come then revealing yourself to us when it is far too late. The flurry of emotions that threatens to suffocate us finally flees us till there is nothing left. Shallow shells of all we used to be up to and including the day we take our last breath.
Life takes you for a ride and it challenges the purest of intentions. We all start out hoping that we will become all that we can be don’t we? What child thinks I want to grow up to be a drunk, unemployed loser or live forever alone when I am older or be laughed at and shunned until you go away. We never imagine a life of isolation until we get there then the woes set in and the oh what happened to me? When children get lost in their adult form there is no greater sin. They forget about what it means to be human and what it takes to make their heart sing.
Happy Birthday Miss Betty and thank you for your light. It makes my heart a little bit happier to know that you lived such a great life and with that smile too. You serve as a reminder of what one person can truly do. I love you for all that you are in this life and of course I love you even more now too. Rest in Peace Betty thank you for all that you are, we’re and always will be this smokes for you.
I am shy beyond words. Crippling shy. I think my anger comes when my inability to communicate in an effective manner interferes with my inability to speak. You wouldn’t think at 42 I could still be this way BUT trust me I am so awkward beyond belief.
The idea that some, correction, most will complain until their hearts content without committing to an inability to change. My head hurts but most days the pressure is too much so I just sit in silence and hope the naseauting presence moves away. Like a rat nawing on festered intestines I want nothing to do with it.
Don’t you think? I think way too much. I think we all do. Life was keep us wondering did we do the best we can? It’s not an easy confrontation to have with one self. There are so many reasons to ignore what is painful but it is the pain that we acquire when we fail to turn off the lights. I am scared of the dark and the things that people do when they think nobody is watching when they are the only ones left standing in the room. I like being alone. Nobody left to betray. Nobody left to hurt me and only myself to obey.
The simplest way to look at life is to look towards all the basics that have been provided to us. It’s our limitations of our mind that make this existence unbearable.