Not everybody is who they appear to be and yes some people are more than capable of a little change. I think about those from time to time who are too set in there ways and who will always remain the same. They will feed on the corpses of those that loved them not admitting to anybody how it is they got that way. The biggest sell out is the one who will sell just about anybody in order to sustain their need. All they see is a paycheck and they could care less how it is anybody around them may feel.
I hate who they made me. I don’t want to be her but what choice do I have? I can’t go back even though I live through it every singe day. I can’t change the outcome ever because my fate was already sealed and I had to find a way to move on. What I found was a partner who can mimic the rage on the outside of where I found myself to be stuck living in. If only they knew the beginning I was forced to endure maybe they wouldn’t find themselves to be so critical.
Missing out on me may just be your biggest mistake. I am loyal, honest and I am trustworthy and if you have been something similar to me than nothing will ever change. I don’t have time anymore to keep on playing these games. I saw what is waiting for me when I reach the other side so it is a situation where I need to keep my blinders on and keep my nose to the grind.
There is a drain on our health care system. That is something that is very obvious for the whole world to see. The world has become accustomed to a walk in lifestyle making us wait hours upon hours like there was nothing else more important in our lives to do. I guess there should be nothing else than trying to find our version of owning our best health but when it comes to me I am far too busy to be waiting around for hours and hours without even being greeted or for a Doctor to be seen
I want to be a strong, independent woman, hell bound and determined to try and change the world. That even if the bad man has been sent to come and destroy I will always live to rise and challenge another day. I maybe emotionally overloaded but I am still determined to keep on trying. That nobody will ever defeat me no matter how hard they try I will always think that I can.
Always on guard waiting to see if death is just outside that door I still find a way to reach for the stars. I am not scared of dying today I am scared of not trying to be everything that I was born to try and be. I will do the things that cause other people to shake their heads and contemplate rescuing another animal even though this house is full. I could get salvation in planting some more lettuce seeds nothing makes my chinchillas happier than home grown food.
That is where I lie with my ghosts, thoughts and my angels hoping for a time that will be pure happiness and bliss. I have to remind myself to be thankful even in the times when those feelings are harder to miss. Yes I am thankful for where I am so why do I allow my thoughts to become so greedy? I think that is the poison of being alone, confined to a solitary where your thoughts become the only words you hear.
I like to picture a time where happiness ruled supreme. Where people were kind to each other instead of being malicious and mean. There is something to be said for those individuals that only come out at night. I have always been scared of the darkness because I was forced to witness what other people can truly be. I watched friends set up another friend and beat him into oblivion with their girlfriends capturing it all with their cameras. I remember when they came to the party bragging to me what they had done. They told me his eyes was hanging from his socket and I was just horrified of what they could classify as fun.
I remember once my sister told me to kill myself. To do the world a favour and do myself away. I remember how awful I felt on the inside, knowing that I didn’t have anybody who would care for me in this world. My Dad already deemed me a write off citing all the ways that I have failed to fuel his fire. Imagine being told in every which way that you are a failure, too stupid to even know how to breathe. If I listened to what everybody was saying about me I would hate myself. Maybe in some ways I already do.
Every which way I turn my head I am confronted with the way we have all failed. We had one job and one job only and that was to live compassionately but we decided to throw all that and then some out the window instead. Be nice unless there is value in beating Bob then hit him over the head. Nobody is watching you anyways and can you believe all the things that he said? Listen to him go on and on about how much better he is than all of us. Is that a greenback I see coming out of his wallet? Oh hell that is like a thousand dollars sitting there just waiting for me. Then there is consequences to your actions to which there is none. As long as you say you are sorry and promise to repeat that offending action again. Do you know how many murderers I have crossed path with that have only served 1/3 of their time? Pedophiles? Rapists? I kid you not.