The reality is that some ego’s just take up WAY too much space and I am comforted in knowing that there is time and they WILL fall from grace. That is the hope isn’t it? That those who are in charge of doing the evil doings will get theirs in the end, won’t they? Does sin get rewarded in this day and time or can kindness win over and truly save the day? Across the street I see white people and their white privilege is sickening dominating those from the shadows till they get their twisted way. There are those who want to be courteous and kind and then there are those like my neighbour who want to rule the world from across the street and wish that the rest of the world would meet their own demise.
Maybe it is the rednecks of the world that makes this a terrible place. The insults that she was spewing indicated that she has no problems letting her white privilege shine through. My olive skin and dark roots made it easy for you to spew your hate. Acting like your forefathers gave you this land and didn’t steal it teaching your children to behave and act out the same.
My whole life I wanted to believe that there was some sort of good in this world until I came across a being like you. You make me question what it means to be human and if we will ever see an end to race and hate in this world. When a neighbour can demoralize another mother for just making a basic human mistake I am scared for the future of tomorrow and what other type of human decency this world is determined to take.
To my neighbour across the street who felt validated in her self righteous existence reigning her privilege down on me didn’t give me a second thought as she puffed out her chest and walked away. She wanted to make me feel some sort of way to make up for the blackness of her heart, at least that is what it felt like. Telling me I am crazy and to stop dying my hair I wonder who made her Queen of the block.
Now this game of life I think it is no longer for me and I am beyond tired of all the way people in power want us to conform to their thinking and want to rush us to deaths door. I don’t trust people now Karen, and I have you to thank for that. In a world full of nobody’s who mean nothing I think I prefer being alone in the darkness. The slap that I received for being a whistle blower has knocked me back into next year. I don’t want to speak anymore to have it twisted. I will just shut up and live this life like the Karen’s of the world intended. I am tired of having hope that goodness will shine through.
What I just experienced in the last 24 hours was something so cold and callous I had to shut off electronics just to survive. I couldn’t let the system manipulate my senses like she intended on doing. What just happened to me is the biggest flaw in the system and it is the reason why so many refuse to conform . Why just a system that looks for human errors then hangs us out to dry. The words, “I came to make an example out of you,” curdle inside my brain.
I look for signs of what it means to do the right thing. I look for people, places, things anything to remind me of who I used to be. The closest I get to who it is that used to make me smile I feel lost. That is how I come to know that I have come to far now and I am far too weak. I am so confused, so very confused because all I feel is this intense hate. Where do I go again to feel something or is it already too late?
Well Color Street will change my life! Signing up when they launched in Canada was THE smartest thing!! They only just launched Aug 15th and already I hit my first Stylist goal!! So you have to have a means to help realize your dreams are you just become a hamster in a wheel spinning off to nowhere. Ask yourself this. Is the little bit of hard work bow worth it if it could one day evolve you into the person you were always born to be.
There has to be a purpose a reason that can only be seen once we are finally knocking on that door so why be an *sshole here and now and make it incredibly impossible for others to live and breathe. When I begin to attract the light of the entities that once was and that I hope to find once more blessings happen. Small ones. Ones that only a heart that is truly open can finally feel and understand. When you see those blessings arise in a seemingly impossible day you get inspired. You get all the feels and you finally begin to feel good. All the hard work and determination starts paying off in small ways and you know that it is the love that you have found in others that is the drive in everything behind. Without their purpose and their will and their insight into every day I don’t think I could find a purpose or even a will to stay.
These holy men believed they were doing God’s work when they beat, starved, molested and God only knows what else to our beautiful Indigenous babes. They wanted to kill the “Indian” inside of them. That is the work of the devil and pure evil who could even distort such thinking in these ways yet we do nothing and sit and silence and let their ancestors pick at their graves. Oh don’t worry it is ok we are giving them their own holiday just to say sorry. Is that how we value the human experience and nothing more. I can’t live this way so oblivious to others. How is it that we all wanted to get here so fast with no regards to the actual cost?
What is always intriguing to me is our ability to grieve. Our propensity to hang that dark cloud over us so we have a reason to live mediocrity and never realize our true potential is incredulous to me. I used to grieve like my heart had stopped beating but now I realize the error in my ways.