Now this game of life I think it is no longer for me and I am beyond tired of all the way people in power want us to conform to their thinking and want to rush us to deaths door. I don’t trust people now Karen, and I have you to thank for that. In a world full of nobody’s who mean nothing I think I prefer being alone in the darkness. The slap that I received for being a whistle blower has knocked me back into next year. I don’t want to speak anymore to have it twisted. I will just shut up and live this life like the Karen’s of the world intended. I am tired of having hope that goodness will shine through.
What I just experienced in the last 24 hours was something so cold and callous I had to shut off electronics just to survive. I couldn’t let the system manipulate my senses like she intended on doing. What just happened to me is the biggest flaw in the system and it is the reason why so many refuse to conform . Why just a system that looks for human errors then hangs us out to dry. The words, “I came to make an example out of you,” curdle inside my brain.
I look for signs of what it means to do the right thing. I look for people, places, things anything to remind me of who I used to be. The closest I get to who it is that used to make me smile I feel lost. That is how I come to know that I have come to far now and I am far too weak. I am so confused, so very confused because all I feel is this intense hate. Where do I go again to feel something or is it already too late?
Well Color Street will change my life! Signing up when they launched in Canada was THE smartest thing!! They only just launched Aug 15th and already I hit my first Stylist goal!! So you have to have a means to help realize your dreams are you just become a hamster in a wheel spinning off to nowhere. Ask yourself this. Is the little bit of hard work bow worth it if it could one day evolve you into the person you were always born to be.
There has to be a purpose a reason that can only be seen once we are finally knocking on that door so why be an *sshole here and now and make it incredibly impossible for others to live and breathe. When I begin to attract the light of the entities that once was and that I hope to find once more blessings happen. Small ones. Ones that only a heart that is truly open can finally feel and understand. When you see those blessings arise in a seemingly impossible day you get inspired. You get all the feels and you finally begin to feel good. All the hard work and determination starts paying off in small ways and you know that it is the love that you have found in others that is the drive in everything behind. Without their purpose and their will and their insight into every day I don’t think I could find a purpose or even a will to stay.
These holy men believed they were doing God’s work when they beat, starved, molested and God only knows what else to our beautiful Indigenous babes. They wanted to kill the “Indian” inside of them. That is the work of the devil and pure evil who could even distort such thinking in these ways yet we do nothing and sit and silence and let their ancestors pick at their graves. Oh don’t worry it is ok we are giving them their own holiday just to say sorry. Is that how we value the human experience and nothing more. I can’t live this way so oblivious to others. How is it that we all wanted to get here so fast with no regards to the actual cost?
What is always intriguing to me is our ability to grieve. Our propensity to hang that dark cloud over us so we have a reason to live mediocrity and never realize our true potential is incredulous to me. I used to grieve like my heart had stopped beating but now I realize the error in my ways.
So who am I? I am just a mom of an incredible little being that I couldn’t imagine having to live through these horrors like so many children on Earth seemed to have experienced. I am tired of living in a world where we can excuse bad behaviour away. I will not sit here and take it anymore what would be the point in being able to stand up and shout anyways!! CAN YOU HEAR ME OUT THERE BECAUSE I CAN HEAR YOU!!! I wont let the bad man take you, come grab a hug and get warm. I promise we can get through this together.
To the aging widow who sits alone wondering where her youth has gone and when her next visitor will be. Remembering the parties and moments filled with lust as you danced long into the night in your lovers arms and would even steal away a kiss. As the days blend into nights you long for simpler times that used to make sense but now you listen to the clock tick as you wait for your last breath. Nothing prepares you for the former image that you used to be as you reduce yourself to dust that no one longs to come and see. I hug from a friend or a kiss from a loved one never quenches the fire in your heart of where your youth used to be. We move too fast to an existence that will never matter one day to the person we once were or the dreams that made us believe we could one day be.
You disrespect yourself every time you chose to ignore somebody else’s bad behaviour. Let that sink in.