Somebody that I used to know. Not even a friend. If they tell you that they knew me in the past I would have to admit that I don’t think so not on my end. What I knew is that their sting was always going to be worse than their bite. I kept them at arms length for the most part their evil stench is what kept me awake most nights.
The thing about envy is if let untreated it becomes a slow festering jealous rage. You begin to loathe everything about the person you loved originally and you no happiness in between you can ever be seen again. Put more simply, when somebody that you cared so deeply about becomes somebody you don’t even remember knowing. Will you don’t want to admit to yourself anymore that you do because they get on your nerves and by they I mean I and I see who you become I love that you seem to think you are better off without me. I use that feeling to fuel my next segment in this journey leaving you far enough behind in my dust that I never will look back. And at you especially. GAG!
I mean that feeling is with you always but you need that physical presence of that being in order for you to finally feel. You could search your whole lifetime for something else that feels remotely good but it will continue to escape you. You can’t for what is meant for you no matter how fast in the other direction it is you decide to run. As long as I can still feel your existence in this realm of reality that we call life I will still hold onto this idea that you will make your way back to me. Unless of course you are already here than your presence in my life is more than enough. You can’t help a heart from always insisting though on finding on what could have been.
We are meant to be separated into an existence we are unsure of but we can’t stop the fact that we are going there too, right? You have to bend your mind in the most painful way in order for it to make sense. There is no way we would be forced to be with an energy that is not ours so what is that supposed to mean? If there is a riff among family members where does the one standing on the outside go? Or does that deem or chance here on Earth a failure when you have nowhere else to go. Where do you go when you shun everybody else away? Your time is coming closer now but you stand alone but in the end at least you had your say. Or did you? Did you forget to speak up? It’s a twisted world we live in constantly wondering if we should rise in honor or just sit quiet and shut the f*ck up.
What other people will chose to do to end another’s life is sickening so we truly have to shine our brightest and say what it is we are trying to say. I want to live a life that makes sense and if it only makes sense to me than I have succeeded. I am tired of spinning inside of a hamster wheel in the hopes that maybe one day I will be who I set out to be. But I can’t if I am stuck spinning in a circle with no desire to get off the pot and give my life that authentic shot. Who gives a damn about you when you stop caring not the one with the arms out waiting to put a knife in your back. Be weary of the kindness of strangers but not overly. You don’t want to push somebody away that you should have been running towards.
EVERYTHING we ever needed was granted to us. Nobody was supposed to live above another but than we wouldn’t have the rich and we certainly wouldn’t have the poor. NOBODY came out of the womb with a crown on their head until all of a sudden that was all one ever wanted. Why and why decided we needed such a distinction of class and in fact doesn’t that make one classless who doesn’t honor life in an equal way? My stomach goes in knots just thinking of what men have done. We chased species out of the chain of evolution and it disgusts me that we are more than ok with keep on keeping on this way. BARF!!
So I chose life and everything that comes out of it and the potential of power that clearly resides deep within. I surround myself with so much life it becomes contagious anytime I move in or out of the room. My colony of crabs is thriving and so is my crazy cat lady life. 9 cats maybe too many for some but there is something to be said for having 9 of them around. The morning songs of my budgies probably irritate my chinchilla but I think she enjoys the little garden oasis that I am working on transforming that room.
We have to relinquish control of own existence and whole heartedly accept the things we may never be able to change. Instead of working tirelessly and saving up a small fortune to fix your nose, your boobs your hips; why not take that money and invest in a trip of a lifetime and try to…
Ah they have fallen but what happens when they decide to rise? Can we all on the energy to rise up inside us to serve as their living legacy, their last opportunity to be heard and be fed. By fed on the knowledge that their words still fuel my fire and feed the very hunger that comes into my soul. To live my life in a fraction of their will and honor would be the biggest accomplishment and living testament on Earth. It is all in what you believe and what you most want to be known for. Do you chew off the hands that gave you an opportunity because they no longer have the luxury to return the favor?
Who are you accountable in your world or do you always maintain you ability to keep a level head? Are there people and moments that are more irritating that others or can you maintain your calm inside this volatile world? Can you join the world on your times without losing sight of who you are? Or do you need to compromise your own truth to make another happy and how long do you think you can manage living that way?