See back then I couldn’t protect you. You would have ended up just like me. I needed to work as hard as I could and work my fingers until all they could do was bleed. What could I leave you if all I was was a crumbled mess? I think that is why I have always hoped for the best and kept trying until something panned out. If you deemed me worthy enough to be your mom again I couldn’t waste a second of that time here again on Earth. Everything I have experienced will become your own power and inner light. There is a reason why all this happened to me and now I am sharing this story here in my middle age.
I know what is out there and lurks in the shadows waiting to cut us off from the rest of the world. I see you and your discontent even though you try so hard to cover it up for the rest of the world to see. There is no shame in where I come from as I try to revive the past. I don’t do it as an excuse to live depressed. I do it so that others can recognize that they aren’t alone and feel safe enough to come out of the shadows. We only live once so we should value our own presence like it is the only one on Earth. It is possible that you could be the last man standing so why not be kind instead of living a life that will hurt. I keep those away who look at me like I am expendable and I kick them to the curb. There is no reason for you to come a knocking anymore now that I know what I am worth.
Was life supposed to feel like this? Always totally inadequate constantly looking over my shoulder for that proverbial knife that will one day soon be hitting me in the back. You can’t trust anybody these days as green is the preferred color interwoven into everyday. I have never known an existence to be so content on redefining everything up to and including what it means to actually come alive. Let’s shame those with integrity to make them see things our way. Who cares if that is the be all end all it will be our will or the highway. I see all people and they seethe with rage. Hiding their identity to destroy another’s will, will always have me looking at them with such distrust and shame. I am not scared to tell it like it is and how it should be because after all it is the truth that shall always set you free.
When push comes to shove I will always chose my husband. An investment in my family that will carry us on throughout the years. Yes our lives are far from perfect but that depends on who you ask and how you feel. I would rather have a man who visits his aging Grandmother everyday instead of waiting to capitalize once she hits the grave. What he has shown me here in life is he cares more about the person than any paycheque can ever provide. He breaks himself for all of us so maybe I need to give him a little more slack. All I know is I chose him over everything and in my heart there will never be a chance to go back. To stand face to face with a man who will chose family every time over money is worth his weight in gold. I don’t need a million friends to mislead me and guide me. What I got in the end was my forever family and I am lucky to be able to say that this life that I am living never gets old.
All I want to do is share my story in the most creative of ways and help others learn to love themselves and be mindful of what it is they say. Maybe not to others just always speak the truth. I am talking of being kinder to yourself no matter who it is you find who has entered the room. Life is meant to be lived happy and the more we listen to those on top the further we will go and the more life will seem to slip away. Suicide rates and depression are sky rocketing and it is because in essence we are made to feel like we can never measure up. I know I have struggled with who it was I wanted to identify with. There are those that I wanted to believe in that made it so tough.
How can you keep focused on joining the world on your terms and not getting carried away with what other people are doing or even what it is they are trying to say. Everybody has an opinion and everybody is entitled to say that they know themselves best but it is those over zealous, self righteous beings that trying to corrupt the rest of us so that we too are thinking the same way. That type of control is dangerous and prevents us from having a free mind. Just look at all the ways the government has been sent to control us keeping it so that we will never have our day. Taxes, oh the taxes with the majority of what is being collected paying an astronomical wage. I get it. Trust me I do. We need to send our world leaders to come together so they can perfect together how to blow the most smoke out of everybody’s *sses. I think it is our politicians who carry the most diseases just like the rats of the bubonic plague.
That is what Hollywood and mainstream media needs you to believe. If you aren’t getting off then there is something wrong with you. You must be crazed, baked or badly damaged to live a life that not many others are used to. I get that and I think about that a lot. The whole concept of value. What is the point on connecting with so many beings when you can’t take all these beings and connections with you? Focus on what is important and that is what is closest to your heart. The ones who gave you this chance to come alive and explore the living and maybe some good health. I am just a housewife with family morals that still reach me from far beyond the grave. If you believed your ancestors were good people wouldn’t that be enough to make you want to behave?
Composing ones thoughts is hard. Putting them together into a nice concise package to peak another’s curiosity and brain is another thing entirely. I am not everybody’s cup of tea. In fact I think my cup is kept in a constant state of being luke warm. As much as I want to put myself out…
So what have I done? Have I gone insane? I am not sure entirely but I know I want to live happy and for my family to feel the same. What I have is a desire to draw out other’s ability to love themselves by looking in the mirror a different way. Instead of looking at all the scars, wrinkles and grey hairs why not look to nature as it does the same. We can all age together while we look at ourselves as living art. Keeping a tidy home and a perfectly paired outfit while loving on your children and husband as he goes to work. I want to live in the image like my Grandmother did because I love her so much even to this day. I don’t want her to look down at me with any regrets and I want her to know that I still honour her to this day. I do so with my love of Color Street by helping other woman fall in love with their hands. And of course I am love with being a housewife who is collecting a paycheck, helping out my family any way that I can. Check out my latest Color Street video at https://youtu.be/8j2JZCiP3Kg and make sure to like and suscribe xx
I for one spend so much time trying to make everybody around me happy that it has been a lot of hard work and forgiveness to keep on trying to put myself first. Do you agree or disagree? Truly, there are those we speak of who we say where their hearts on their sleeves that we don’t seem to taken aback when they meet they own demise. Why is it we are so quick to offer a stranger hospitality when it has become more than apparent all they are to us are lies. What would you sacrifice in order to keep another being happy? Would you allow for another being to take your own life? How about your friends? Then finally your parents? That is what happened to one teenage girl when she met a boy in person for the very first time. She put this strange boys feelings ahead of her own fears and insecurities then this sick twisted individual finished them all off with an ax.