Maybe I did. Maybe I moved blindly into a World that I was never prepared for. Maybe it is just another blip in the life of me. I want to cry but somehow I feel like I have been set free. That noose that was tightening around my neck was now gone. The only thing left to share was my honest truth and the blind faith that I had going forward.
I will always return to the book “How to Hepburn”, by Karen Karbo as one of my beacons to remind me of how great life can be when you play an active role in yours. Before I started on this journey of helping my life blossom. I was just the average 35 year old going back to school, trying to redefine my dreams. Trying hard not to focus on that internal clock that tells me that my hopes of being a mother are dashing. That feeling alone hangs over your head like a noose.
Where is it written that beauty is conventional and only entitled to a few worthy receipients. The egotistical mind is anything but beautiful. They are overconfident in scenarios that don’t need it. They laugh and joke when others leave the room…if only for a moment. It has become more of a right of passage to bond together with girls over the faults of others.
It wasn’t enough anymore. At times when life was working smoothly she thought she could tolerate the void. That piece of here that became ignored when she said, “I do.” It wasn’t that she desired another it was that she desired more. In his eyes she didn’t stand out anymore. She was merely the glue…
It is always easy standing up for yourself in the moment. We know what feels right and what feels wrong. We know how much we can tolerate in that moment and of course standing up for oneself seems the norm.
We assume that they don’t care for us or they are ignoring our struggle but in the reality they are struggling in their own ways. Now with the doors of Christmas coming to a close I start to ponder everything I feel inside.
There is something missing these days in general. Like a lack lustre spirit dulled by it’s own imperfections instead of foraging ahead into the unknown. Life and all it’s grandeur forever nullified by the lack of connection with each other and the space of time we find ourselves in.
In those beautiful moments when you were given a treasured gift hold on to them in your heart forever. Those memories and that love will never fade. Yes it has become dull over time because time has a habit of doing that. Time turns everything to dust as we will all come to know. But when we are finally released from these bodies that once held us back we will long for that opportunity to once again feel love and to hold another being in our arms.
She was one of a kind and within her whole presence here she carried a part of me with her. She helped my heart beat a new rhythm, she breathed me new life and has given me so much clarity. So just because I am nice isn’t anything more than me simply being a caring being. My role will always be mother, wife, friend.
“Tell me sir if you will, where in the Bible does it state that it’s ok to judge others based purely on assumption? Can you see now who is the lesser evil between the two?” ― Sofea Shah From the very start of our our conception the dreams and implications of the ways of another…