The people who get under my skin are the ones who will say anything just to be mean. They like to poke, poke, poke, poke until you finally explode and they win. You can tell by their style and their demeanour that their goal for the day is to make you feel insecure and to somehow alter your seemingly perfect day. Except for the days aren’t perfect are they? It feels like a lifetime has gone by since they have been.
I never imagined an existence where our basic necessities that make us human are slowly being taken away. Livelihoods are at stake and everybody is already fed up I am not sure how much longer this can go on for or how much more of this anybody can take.
What is confidence? Is it something we are all worthy of or is it something for a few select few?
Confidence is whatever allows you to be who you were destined to be free of fear of ridicile and bad friends.
I just keep hoping for a miracle that maybe one day things can change. I think where he gets confused is I don’t keep the house clean for him it is for me. The same goes for the way I decide to look or the fact I want to eat healthy or exercise it is all for me. I just have to regard him as that pesky annoying fly on the wall. The one who can care less if I do anything at all.
What bothers me about being authentic is the judgemental eyes. The sideway glances and side eyes do nothing to disguise their feelings. Who doesn’t like to admire their own reflection? Perfectly paired outfits with coiffed hair and a winged eye. I think that is what makes me love the vintage era. Without mainstream media and accessibility more time was spent attending to self and family.
You have to appreciate everything you have been given that includes yours strengths and weaknesses. The stories you have in your arsenal to use to connect with people. It has always been easier to feel relaxed in the company of people we think we may understand. Unless their experience was way crappier than ours than then they win over our sympathy.
It is in that simplicity in knowing that I am in fact part of a bigger picture. We all are. For no reason we find ourselves living at the same time bound by our place in eternity. This moment will soon be forgotten with nobody left to bring it back to life. That is so powerful in itself to think about.
There is no escaping the fear that comes when those in your life are content in beating you to death with your own fears. I know what I hate about myself and you do too. Why do you have to use it against me like you just found out how to use the ultimate tool. Behaviour like this just turns me off and pushes me far off farther to the side.
So maybe exercising my mind is trivial and I don’t need to dive into the lives of others that have happened before I was ever born. What would prove to be more beneficial? Getting to a place where I can bench press my body weight or trying to understand the torturous life path that others were faced to endure? Is there more value in trying to understand why some would take the lives of others in their hands and crush them to dust in their palms?
My life has slowed down dramatically and all my focus has been turned inwards. Not just on my well being but the well being of my family. The exhaustion that comes from such a hectic life is rewarded handsomely by the unconditional love that those in my care provide. Of course I have boundaries and set realistic limits but nothing drives me more than trying to make them all happy.