Today is the day. I hope that I have the courage to do all the things that I have been too scared to do. Find a job. Apply for low-income housing and hope and pray that this nightmare will soon be going away. I get scared thinking that all the pets that have come to call this place their home might end up meeting their own demise. I can’t be the one holding a noose over their heads. Well, a needle jabbed into their arm but how much longer can I survive having to live this way? I don’t think I can survive knowing that they met their end because of me.
There are those beings in life that are out truly just to enjoy the very presence of your existence then there are others that will suck your soul right out if given the chance. Sometimes who we desire to be is out of our grasp and our very own reality as we fail to open up our hearts and truly see.
That is what drives me to do everything that I do. So I can be an example to him who he needs to be. Not grow up in my EXACT image but have the confidence to know that you can be anybody that you can. Sure I might have been a little bit of a beautiful disaster but I dusted myself off quite well don’t you think? For no reason why I wake up with a fire in my soul. I think my drive was given to me as a blessing when I was lost and feeling out of sorts and most definitely out of control.
I didn’t want to let go of something that was so horrendous to me. If it could happen to anybody it was more than likely going to happen to me. I grew up accustomed to the drama and all the sinking feelings that a life lived in this reality could bring and once I got the hang of it I couldn’t fathom the idea that anybody that I loved would ever have to experience a similar thing. That’s where fables and fairytales originate from, they serve as a reminder and beacon to where your heart first began beating and learned how to sing.
Today is the day an angel is finally laid to rest, but I can’t help but think about all of the angels that were laid to rest before. The beautiful beings of the lives that were never privy enough to amount to anything while some were born into everything, and we will never understand the rhyme or reason or even the what for.
The problem with life is it will always be something that we take advantage of up until the very time that death comes for a visit and decides to take everything we love away. There will be no peace for the living after death comes and has his final say.
I am exhausted and heartbroken and even I know when a relationship is done. I just find it hard, and I am struggling because I am not going anywhere without my son.
We need to speak out of these horrors in order to educate others how to better make decisions that will forever impact their lives. Of course, I don’t think I would change the fact that I attended high school parties or that I will forbid my son from doing the same. It is a rite of passage that we all go through. For some reason or another they always take the innocent that walk among us to serve as a beacon so that the light can always shine thru. It has to be somebody that was adored by many before alcohol struck and took their innocence away. Isn’t that something short of a blessing that our angels could not remember what the devils who walk around us could possibly do.
I know that I am hated and I guess that is ok I couldn’t imagine a time in my life where I would live any differently. I think about those that once were a friend and now all I can think about is thanking them for having this memory. In a world where all I wanted was to fit in I ended up being on the out. If you can’t win for trying then preservation in life will have to do. At least that is what I keep telling myself so every morning I can start a new.
Isn’t that the irony? Those that want a happy life can’t seem to reel one in no matter how hard it is they try and others will be born with a silver spoon in their mouths and they will have no idea why. Not that they need to worry because everything they could possibly dream of would seemingly be right there. I think that is why I keep on doing what I do with little or no thought that it couldn’t be everything possible that I ever did dream without a wayward thought or care.