Month: December 2022

This Is The End

I wanted to include his song because the words and message contained are very valuable and therefore very important. It is not every day that a being has the strength and courage to send out their words in the hope that one day the world will perceive their message. It has never been lost on me how many of those who cared about us were taken away too suddenly all because they lived their lives in the mainstream. I for one am hopeful that those stars among us have ignored all their insecurities and dared to dream.

Before I Go Insane

I don’t have friends. Not any in this physical life. There is nobody around me that wants to give me a sincere hug. I have my sister who hugged me two years ago on my birthday but my heart and soul is aching telling me that this will never be enough. I miss human contact and emotion that is beyond my 5 year old’s capacity. It is not that he isn’t good enough it’s just that those feelings are not quiet the same. I guess it will have to be enough to get me through this lifetime even though the emotions in my head are determined and about to make me go insane.

Keep Shining Bright

So I try to keep the life force shining bright inside of me even though that I know there are others around me that are trying to blow it out. I should focus so much on those who are trying to deter me and should focus more on how I can get out of here. Not out of here physically but to a more glorious mental state. One that isn’t so contradicting in order for me to feel some kind of relief so I search for it myself. I look for the answers of life that I need to keep me going and I think that is all that somebody needs. Something that we can find if we just keep looking for the answers deep within oneself.

Use Less Words

Use less words so there is less words that can be taken out of context these days. I just want to exist in a life with less fighting and I could do with a lot less rage. I know the life I lived to get here so I don’t need words constantly thrown in my face. It would be nice just to live a serene existence with less tit and more tat and a silent acknowledgement of what is.

To Be Hated

I think it is obvious when you are hated. You can tell by the energy that comes and fills the room. There is a stillness that comes before all the anger and then all of a sudden you are met with all this rage. Nothing I can do will ever be enough. That is my fear that I live with everyday. Did I decide to do the right things with my “free” time or am I going to get into trouble for what I decided to do for those 3 hours in this house. In my day I have to be accountable or in the end I will be met with his wrath. I know right he is rare to get physical but I can see it is coming in the dark corners of his eyes.

Choice of Opinion

I think we are too flippant with our emotions only feeding into them when we feel lost and by then it is too late. How can we expect to keep a level head when everything is so heated it becomes almost impossible to mitigate the tension until it all becomes lost. An explosion of kinetic energy just waiting to get their baring’s in this growing cold world.

That Was Hard

Why do we care so much with what is happening when we are out instead of worrying about the sanity of those we call family and keeping them safe. There is keeping them safe and then there is being overbearing, not letting them get their foot hold in an already crazy world. Perception is in the eyes of the beholder and I think that should be the focus instead of zeroing in on the only things we can see.

A Life Unlived

What do I know? Nothing. But I try to get some insight to all the lives that have lived before. I think about the Goddesses throughout time and wonder if they behaved in such a way or if is only modern day society that makes us believe that we are brave. Brave to show off who we really are to the outside world or have we just made ourselves all up because we have become too scared to even breathe. What I like to consider is all the things that the darkness tries to take away all before I become confident to step into the light.

What’s In a Name

The power behind a name will drive the sanest person insane. It is the reason why I tried to hide away the pain. My blue period in my life was an acknowledgement of all the things that have been done. The way friends can turn on each other and try to make another hurt. I couldn’t deal with that pain anymore and I was tired of always feeling lower than dirt. The lies that I heard was enough to keep me away. I knew that there could be real harm in the words that others chose to say.

Are You Enough?

We were the misfits that society decided to throw away. When nobody wanted us we found a safe place to say. Call it what you will be there are no changing facts. I remember when I was 37 living in a small one bedroom apartment with only thing that I had to talk was my two cats. I would work my few jobs then go immediately home. I couldn’t keep on doing what I was doing because it was never going to work. I executed what those who are successful like to tell you. Live the life like you were already living it, fill the void with positive energy and let the negativity begin to slip away. You can only do so much and your best is more than good enough. You are a valuable asset in this time frame and that is the truth.