Soul on Fire

We don’t have to set ourselves on fire in order to keep those around us warm So many of us over extend what we are physcially and emotionally capable of ino rder to help a friend in need. Some of us help out strangers in this fantasy we have of making the World a better place. We Struggle to find acceptance in a World that seems cold. Partaking in gossip filled with malicious undertone we are satisified in this moment as we set that side of us that we gave up protecting long ago.  Focusing on our own weaknesses in order to make another feel stronger is the exact oppositie of a soul enriching foundation. Nobody should ever want to witness your failures. In fact it is in your successes that the wind should move in your favour pushing away those that have no position in your life.

The hardest thing to do is enter a World where there are not many welcoming faces. Think of that scene from “Mean Girls” when they sat in front of the mirror accenting their own faults. Of couse though when the imperfections didn’t seem as far out there they teases her saying that she was conceited and self righteous.  What is wrong with having pride in oneself. To recognize your own faults and persevere anyways. Where is it written that beauty is conventional and only entitled to a few worthy receipients. The egotistical mind is anything but beautiful. They are overconfident in scenarios that don’t need it. They laugh and joke when others leave the room…if only for a moment. It has become more of a right of passage to bond together with girls over the faults of others.

I could see how selling myself short would make others feel like they shine. So many people live in perfect harmony competing with oneself that when they find themselves in a room full of rabid sharks the emotional roller coaster that is about to be engaged is a ride that you wished you could get your money back from. You know that saying, “Let sleeping dogs lie.” Well the same can be said for a pack of stray dogs. Woman are more than guilty of this too. When you find yourself in a pack of women the overwhelming insecurity that follows is suffocating. In a room full of women you all of a sudden feel insignificant. Like your presence in the room isn’t felt by anybody. Some people in these situations will say or do anything to get themselves noticed. Me however. I have found great safety and reassurance just being an engaging bystander. People love the drama. Especially when it doesn’t involve them. But in a room full of people where nobody can tell what is fact and what is fable. The room for misguided interpretation is at the tips of everybody’s tongue.

I hear you. I get it. Getting out of your comfort zone doesn’t feel as safe anymore. To me though. What I have come to realize that getting out of the comfort zone in the realm of pain and being uncomfortable is a no way of being. For the longest time I kept friends longer than I should. The more correct term would be associates. It is rare that I keep close friends these days. Mainly because in this reality of selling your soul to the devil for a second of quick fame. There is this presence of betrayl that seems to be interwoven in a few. The only way to begin to recognize this type of being is by taking this great inward look amongst yourself. I ask you this. How can you expect anybody to be honest with you when you aren’t able to be honest with yourself. We know all the little dark secrets. The good, the bad, the ugly. If we can’t love ourselves unconditionally first then all of your relationships will be based on a lie.

A true friend who see you combust into a plume of smoke will be there immediately. Checking the embers for no chance of reigniting and calming your soul with the showers of forgiveness. A true friend will share the heat of your flame until you are able to return to a safe face. They know your truth and they feel your pain. It is unrealistic though to assume that anybody can ever truly understand where you are coming from a hundred percent. The journey that we take is all different. Imagine that.  Over the billion of years since the start of existence not one life has ever been repeated. With one step to the left we alter the hands of time for eternity.  So why would one need to ignite their own being in order to shelter their friends from the elements. The answer is simply. A real friend would never ask you too. In fact a real friend will share some of the burden.

Looking in from the outside I can see that there is always the opportunity for bad seeds or bad apples. Be it a natural flight and fight reaction or maybe they are cut from the sheers of the devil. There will always be people who would rather see you fail then to bask in your light. To those that see gaslighting as their way to manipulate those for control, I see you. I used to believe in the things being said about me too. I mean you hear anything enough times there has to be some validation to it right? The best way to deal with any and all doubt when it comes to you is to stand tall in your convictions. Know your own truth and hold onto that like a lifeline. The truth does and will set you free. What you need to know with no degree of uncertainty what that means to you. People when threatened will say the meanest things under the sun. They will bring their own insecurities and throw it onto you in an attempt to make you feel bad not them. The sad reality to is you really have to understand the bite. Some attempts will seem like your own insecurities coming to a head. What I can tell by experience is those people never change. They flock to those that mimic their behaviour and move on to the next as they leave their host robbed of all confidence.

Maybe that is how I learned to use my heat to warm those need it most. Not the bully or the green eyed beast. But others who have been impacted by the self destructive nature of those they meet. By knowing my truth and my own convictions it has always lead me back to myself.  I see no shame when I look in the mirror because I treat others as how I wish to be treated. I love with an innocent heart. Only closing it off to those that have inflicted me pain.  You only get to full me once then no more.  So yes you can have your physical being set on fire so that you are reduced to ash. Or you can ignite your soul on fire and bask in the eternal flame. Once you are driven by what lays within you will become unstoppable. You know your truths and you know your convictions and come hell or high water your flame will never blow out.

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