What is it that is most important to you? What brings you pride? When we were younger it was so much easier. All we need was a smile from those that mattered most and our whole day would be set on fire. We never doubted what we were capable of because when we were little we believed in everything. We believed the stars were meant to be caught and put into jars to light up the night sky. We never questioned whether or not morning would come because it always did. Life was simple. It was easy to find passion in every day because we didn’t have the weight of others opinions weighing us down. It didn’t matter if our clothes didn’t match because this was in fact my favourite shirt with my favourite pants. We would see the dress our mom put on us as just the garment that it was. It could be cleaned if gotten dirty, darned if gotten torn and above anything else if it were to show too much tatter and wear at least we know that we got a lot of life out of that dress.
For me my style is what breathes life into my days. I love to embrace everything that it means to be a woman. I am growing my collection of corsets, stockings and garters because I love how I feel dressed as the woman of the house. My grandmother wore a dress her whole life. And these adorable little pumps. She would garden and clean and conduct her whole days in her dress and stockings. To say I miss her dearly is a gross overstatement. I miss her so much at times it feels like just yesterday I sat across the table from her playing cards and drinking tea. My days are filled with these incredulous moments where I feel her right beside me smiling down on me. I wish she could be a part of my life that I have worked so hard to achieve. Those that love me the way that she did are fleeting. Isn’t that the saddest reality. In our youth there are so many people who want to be around us. As we begin to age the crowds thin. Then all of a sudden all we have is our own company and it is in that moment when we reflect if we decide how well of a life we lived.
What is confusing to me during this time is the amount of people who are dreading this forced quality time with their children. Not knowing what to do to keep them busy or engaged I see a lot of children returning to the streets with their friends. Maybe it is because my son is just 2 but I can’t squeeze that guy enough. In fact he loves the outdoors so much. So much!! My newest goal for the spring/summer is to transform our outdoor living space. We didn’t do much last summer (our first summer in our new home) but now I have this huge list of wants. I should probably take some pictures or maybe a video just so we can all appreciate the transformation. I didn’t want that parent to be there just sitting on a lawn chair sipping margaritas or worse yet sitting inside playing on my phone. I needed a hobby that would bring me right into the center of his World so we can both be a positive force in our own lives. I know I said it before but now I am like a woman on fire trying to dig up all the old flowers? from the previous owner. Watching that lil guy smile from ear to ear and run around from one corner of the yard is the best feeling ever. No job, no dress, no amount of money could ever replace how he makes me feel. When I am in his presence he reminds of everything that is truly important and that is the life being lived within our family.
We are all confused and trying to do the best that we can during a time that most of us have never experienced before. I think that it was it has become even more important for me to dress for the life that I want to live and not that one I am in currently. I hurt nobody by living my 1950’s ways by dressing for company and tending to our house and outdoor space. I keep telling my husband that by investing in our own space we will have a sense of pride and we will naturally feel happier. I know since taking my focus away from all the negativity (ie the differences between me and my husband) life has gotten better. Except for last night. For some reason or other (probably teeth) my son was having nothing to do with sleep. Me and my husband on the other hand could barely keep our eyes open. It feels like just last week we were laughing that the terrible two’s might have missed you. For any of you asking I can assure you it hasn’t. When this boys temper flies it really let’s go.
My sense of pride is in the way my family looks at me. My whole family right down to the ones with fur. I love that they love being in my company. When one feline leave the lap another is waiting for a snuggle. My little dog loves his walks and my son loves his night time snuggles. Happiness is my end goal and it seems like we do have a lot of it. I love embracing the life that I want to live instead of conforming to those around me. I know when I am out walking my sweet lil Latte my appearance brings a smile. Little kids think I am in costume and older kids just stare. It wouldn’t matter the reasons why I am smiling or why I hope to get a smile back. The only hope that I have is for us all to live happy and it seems to be most effective when living in the most humblest of ways.