“An old man turned 98
He won the lottery and died the next day
It’s a black fly in your Chardonnay
It’s a death row pardon two minutes too late
And isn’t it ironic, don’t you think?”

-Alanis Morissette

I feel like my whole life I could relate to this song but it has become abundantly clear these days this is how my payback was destined to be. Just enough feeling of payback to brink you to insanity but enough to push you over the edge. How is one to determine what is allowed to push you over the edge though? Life is easy isn’t it? If we just play by the rules right? Good things happen to good people and bad people get punished and get locked up to keep us safe right? We live in an oxymoron state where we teeter on the brink of mind control trying to find a common place in which to think. Irony of life though for me is to learn not to ask for too much. Don’t tempt fate or exhaust them with your requests. Even your tears will seem somewhat annoying because nature will always knows best. Mother Nature. Earth knows when to call things back. Entire, crops and species will be destroyed all at the hands of her doing. Who are we to question the inevitable and try to defy the hands of time. Today was a joyful day spent in good company because who doesn’t love a great chat with someone who grew up in a different era. I hunger to know what the lives were like of those who had a life well lived. Tell me your dreams, your history I want to know your whole story all the way through. There is so many interesting things you can learn from an era that has come and gone. Especially one that I hold so close to my very own image and it has helped create the image I love as well.

When we arrived home I do a check around to make sure all bowls and beings are content. When I saw Barney I knew something was wrong and my heart sank as I was frantic to try and save him. Except for I didn’t know what was wrong I could just tell he was different. I could feel it the in air something big was going to occur He was my Skinny Pig and as I scooped him up to hug him I could feel just how cold his body was becoming. He was dead yet and as I held him I could hear his breathing was ragged and there was this weird almost yellow residue on him. With a warm wash cloth I began to clean him but I could tell there was something more going on. I held him for as long as I could touching noses and giving him kisses. I even got my pouch hoodie and walked around with him. He liked getting his nose scratched. I cleaned up his cage real good and settled him back down in his hide and would you know it he was dead within half hour. I couldn’t believe it myself and I was there. My poor Barney. I loved that guy. I can’t believe that he is truly gone.

Let’s dance around the inevitable and hope that depression never comes our way. We can ignore what hits us hard or we tuck it inside and keep it far away. Or we can embrace that what was and the time spent knowing that we shared for a brief time filled a special place in our hearts that we ourselves didn’t know that we had. My last regret was not holding him when he left. I never intended for him to go alone. Although I suspected what was going to happen my husband kept telling me to hold on and hope for the best. With so many things already against him I just knew there was no. One of the last things that I did for him was wash his sweet skin to get him clean. I wanted him to feel safe and I wanted him to feel warm so after one more snuggle and a towel off I returned him to his hide where within half an hour he was gone. Whoever said bad things happen in threes sure did know how heavy this curse was. It feels that within a month we have been struck with dementia, cancer and now death. Not to mention the countless budgie eggs that have been damaged as we all transition into our new roles. Me as the meddling budgie Grandmother.

How is any of this ironic isn’t it just life? It depends all on how you look at it but I have about 30 plants started all for Barney that he will never see or taste. Other than the little bit of lettuce and kale from last year (and one bell pepper I think) he will know the rewards of a bountiful harvest and that is what makes this all bittersweet. I longed for the day when I could pick him snacks that I grew now there is just a place where he used to live. His floppy ears and bony exterior maybe in my freezer but my Barney is no longer there. I hear him though when I enter the room. His little chirps knowing he was up and hungry and wanting more food. I wonder how long his whisper will haunt me in there. I don’t want to say wish you were here because I know you are where you needed to be. Maybe DMX needed a pet my love and he had decided upon you. I am sorry you had to know a life without your brother by your side and I tried my best to make it seem like you would never be alone. I guess we will never know if you adored Pippin like I suspected or maybe you reserved a little bit of fear still. I will never forget the way you looked when I reached in to touch you. I get sad because I feel like I failed you. Were you hurting and I missed it? You must have been because you are gone? Did you suffer in your last days and is there anything I could have done? Is it something I had done that caused all this and now I have to feel suffering at the pain of my hands knowing that I will never be able to hold you again. I couldn’t resist snuggling you and scratching your nose and giving you a couple kisses. You were sweet as sweet can be which does mean unfortunately your time on here was short. Most sweet souls get called back early because you are missed too much.

“It’s like rain on your wedding day
It’s a free ride when you’ve already paid
It’s the good advice that you just didn’t take
And who would’ve thought, it figures”

It did rain on my wedding day and so many other awfully ironic events happened throughout our lives since. Who can forget having our SUV stolen from right under our noses when my husband was helping my 6 month pregnant butt into the house. Our the crazy guy who would relieve himself in front of our kitchen window because he was living in our shed (which our landlord allowed) is the reason why we ended up relocating cities and getting this house. We have had incredible bad luck which is just enough to be annoying but there is a hint of gratefulness that it hasn’t been much worse. Except for it is going to get worse and this is just the beginning. The irony of it all is never to be lost amongst any of us but maybe just maybe in this point of time it will bring us all closer together.