I wonder if the winners ever think about the losers. Kind of a harsh way of saying it but I have come to think about this a lot lately. Maybe it is my love for pageantry that outlines a clear winner and loser. If you didn’t obtain that coveted Queen crown then didn’t you in fact lose? No matter how you colour it you didn’t really accomplish what you set out today. You can exercise grace and etiquette but what about our reigning royalty. Yes it is your time to shine, sparkle and bask in all your hard work but would it inconvenience you at all to be a little humble with your good fortune. Some of us will never have a chance to adorn a crown on top of our heads. It is not because we aren’t beautiful or worthy of a title maybe it is our nerves or insecurities that always kick us when we are down but don’t we in fact deserve to be celebrate for losing gracefully and putting ourselves out there?

I have won a crown and a few titles and I can tell you from experience that it does feel incredible. But if you don’t even consider all the other girls that put just as much effort into the pageant as you did how can you really say you won. Sometimes a lot of girls throw there tiara’s into the ring for a chance to win a crown. Not everybody can grace the stage amongst 50 to a hundred applicants so there has to be a way to whittle down to a manageable few. There could be a judging panel or even by public likes. There will always be a means to say these are the tops and the rest well…it feels like we get shipped off as damaged goods at time. Especially when there is a spot for the contestant to chose. You can see everybody’s nice side until the deadline then everybody disappears. The problem with contestant choice is when you find out that the friends you thought you could count on sell you out faster then a discounted unlabelled can. All a learning a experience helping to define the whole process in my eyes.

For some of us the idea of having our lives dissected and laid out publicly is a very raw and humbling experience. When you watch those that have been granted the opportunity to represent us on stage minimize the significance of the event…well it does speak to your soul. We can only be judged if we allow ourselves to be. Even though we may not have rise to the top on that day doesn’t mean that maybe in another group on another day that it couldn’t eventually happen. My feelings were getting hurt watching the downplay of the significance of the event but I am a sensitive gal. It made me think of all the others in a similar position as me. I wondered if they were watching from the sidelines as others took their opportunity lightly.  Yes a winner will be crowned and we will all celebrate her victory. My idea is merely a suggestion that maybe we should also consider the losers too. You have no idea just how much effort it took for themselves to put themselves out there only to be what feels like rejection to the outside World.

I have a thick skin but I do like to cry. I love the way the wave of emotion washes over me abuilding up my shoreline anticipating the next wave. I love watch my friends succeed and life. I wonder if they feel the same. I used to keep a cautious eye to the World around me. Almost like keeping score. She was nice to me so I can be nice back. Oh I was nice to them once and they ignored me so I am just going to pass over them today. My day is no long micro analyzed like that. Who I am will not change dependant on who is in the room. Just like when I am being judged my character won’t change. Some days we will be loved by all and some days nobody will notice us at all. You will always have those that seem like blessings follow them at all turns. Just because they always seem to win you don’t know the battles that they fought or the struggle it took to get there so be kind.

We don’t all get the chance to hit home runs but maybe we all at least get the chance to feel like we could. We can be the most positive person in the room with lots of self love and care to give. That person can think that, oh it’s no big deal I love seeing my friends succeed. That person may just not know how great it feels to be celebrated for just one second. It is more than just that day that comes once a year to remind us that we are getting older. That day transitions into being a great sense of sorrow and sadness to some. If you have nobody to celebrate life with than how do you get to feel like a big deal. The courage that it takes to just put yourself out there can be snapped back and set back to who knows when. Life to live takes so much courage. Even the most confident in the room is shaking in her boots wishing the Universe would open and claim you back. Life is filled with this whirlwind of emotion that will never make sense. We try to keep ourselves busy by keeping ourselves involved and it works for a time. Maybe it is the lack of actual celebration that comes when publicly watching your friends succeed. There is nothing personal in common text. I guess in that context it all makes sense. How many times can the loser celebrate the winner without sounding too over the top. And what could the winner say to the loser without being overly conceited. Ahhh when can life get back to normal so we can get back to the hugs and cheers to celebrate instead of micro analyzing every written word.