Connections in Life

Let’s talk about self love and how we all claim to have it yet we are in constant competition with the Karen’s across the street. Self love doesn’t stop when somebody else’s opinion differs then yours, in fact it should ramp up because you know the truth and you could care less about what other people think.

Competition is bad, right? Unless we engage in such activity for healthy sport, right? I guess the determination of what is healthy would depend on the head space of all the individuals combined, right? Our self evaluation should be determined because we lost a game at sport, no. Our evaluation should be did I hit the ball farther than last time and did I conquer all my fear? In age my biggest fear was always getting hit in the face with a baseball. Funny isn’t it how I caught a hard line in between my teeth. Don’t believe me just look at my lips. The plumpness doesn’t come from injections, no, scar tissue from when I was kid.

Why is self love so important and do you have enough to get you by? When it comes to loving on yourself Dahling, you should love yourself like you are the only person on Earth. This is not a discussion about sex but about true love and reconciliation with oneself. I am not convinced that we should be so focused on outside gratification because the love we seek is inside of us if we could only learn to look within. Why feel so much shame for what sets your soul ablaze and brings peace to you while hear on Earth. That is the true travesty among the living we never realize our truth before our time is done.

We are made to believe that by loving oneself that we must be selfish and egocentric. What is mine is mine to feel alone why should I distort my own opinion to have somebody to agree with. There is this idea out there that we all crave somebody to save. I can admit to loving a bad boy or two, if I would have kept going I would have met an early grave. There is something so intoxicating about somebody who lives 9 tenths of the time alone in the dark. Waiting for the cover of darkness to shroud their true identity they blend into the night so the average person can not see them. Their allure is what captured me and became my own demise. How was a girl like me ever supposed to keep up with all the lies.

To compete with another is selling yourself short. Think of all those you began to compare yourself too and where are they now. I wish I could spin a tale about how I am still connected to my childhood friends but between you, me and the fly on the wall we never were able to see eye to eye. The course that I was set on was locked on heartbreak and pain. No matter how hard I tried to correct my course I was set and destined for oblivion. My lowest moment was when I contacted a childhood friend. I wanted to believe that maybe he was as cool as he was in high school. Let me tell you the cool ship had sailed. I was still willing to lower my expectations to be more real and on his level but what I got in return was something far less than mediocre. I remember when I had to go to work I called him an ogre because that was the vibe he gave off.

So now ask yourself do you have a value that you either are or esteem yourself to be? You see in that one moment when I came home after work to his random although expected disappearance I realized just how low it is that I had become. How would I ever get out of such a rut and the answer was more than obvious I had to have more love for myself. If I had more self esteem I wouldn’t have even looked his way. It is the same thing that I say to my husband I just demand to be respected who am I to say if that is wrong or right I am just tired of that ominous feeling that keeps one awake late at night.

Certainly we all do need external validation but that comes to me not in those that know me but in those that feel my energy. My energy is one that I want to lift the mood in every mood for in that moment when I am in the presence I come alive. The potential is always there to connect with a lost soul or wayward wanderer who could help you feel like you have gotten lost on a starlit night. Sure I love myself in spades but what could it possibly to feel to be loved by someone that loves me the way I love myself. It is not about being self centered because I have loved another in that way and it is entirely something different than the love we have for our children or siblings or parents for that matter. It is that carnal resistance that comes when two hearts finally collide back together after a lifetime of waning and wondering where that other being could have possibly been. There are those people that just make you feel good when you enter the room and I so desperately want to become that person. So I change the energy in my room. My inner temple and I always remember to look up into the light. I pay thanks to those that bring great meaning into the life that I love and the things that I do and I work towards that end destiny with only a wayward thought and a lost whispered prayer. For my being. My existence. Is at peace with this moment and all the connections in life I hope to find.

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