I am numb and drowning in my own tears. Not because of my life or where I am but because of the lives of others whose story ended to soon.

I don’t want to hate anybody based on being born and their origins. But they did. They still do. They hold on to their badges of honour for killing mass people. It could have been me. My sister. My mother. We still hate each other but now we can do it for the whole World to see. We can stand on someone’s neck, we can shoot them in their backs, we can force our ways through their doors and shoot them in their chest. We are disgusting people for allowing this to happen again. The same fear that every Jewish human being (they very much were humans, we beautiful families and traits) still courses through our neighbours brains.

I am so ashamed that I had no idea this is who we were. I knew humans were angry people who hated each other but even I can’t dream of this extent. Now to try and understand why this all happened I have to jump into the madmen’s brain. Imagine thinking God was on your side and that he was going to save you. Did he change his mind when he ripped you all from hiding with endless torture than death. I try to enter the mind of the sweet young girl who was so full of life. Why did you take her? What were you thinking? We learned nothing from her sacrifice. Weeks before she was taken she questioned why they would hide and starve for so long. Her reasoning was simple. She simply loved life.

I don’t see how we have made any progress. We have those who force their opinion down your throats and if you don’t agree with what they say then you are the devil. Everything you do is blasphemy in their eyes. How can this be? All I care about is trying to repair the grievous fractures in our timeline. I wonder what it would feel like to be human. As it stands I don’t even feel animal. Animals are so sweet in their own ways mimicking who you are right back at you. Why do you think so many animals get returned. Is it the animal’s fault for behaving as they do? They just want to feel accepted to feel like they belong so if you are acting like a fool then so they will too. Are we so clouded by our own eyes or own misfortune that we are still fooled by the meaning of life? Life doesn’t change depending on who is living it. We were all supposed to get a fair shot. I want to know who decided otherwise. I want to know how Hitler made it through grade school and then went on as deranged as he was to massacre innocent people. These weren’t prisoners of war these were members of society, friends of our communities the very same people we say everyday. They all went into hiding most ended up dead. And what do we do to honour their existence. Nothing! Worse than nothing we let these beings live their lives here in the land of the free even though they revoked the rights of many who only wanted the same.

What I feel in my heart is those that were taken from us were those we needed to save us. We needed to feel their pain at the hands of another human being and understand their turmoil. We should have rushed to their aide and provided comfort and promises to change. We think we are so transparent but I can see the players in the game. All a few entitled folks wanted to do was to remain on top and they found that the easy way on the ashes of others prized possessions. We love to control and reduce what we can to rubble. Isn’t that what we think life is all about? Money, greed, power? I have read about enough parents killing their children to last me a life time. I think the number of children who turn on their parents is the same. How would we feel if we were robbed of everything? Including nature? Including life? Look into the eyes of anything that is breathing and truly try to understand how they feel. The first signs are easy. If they don’t know you they will always resort to fear. What I loved about reading the last years of Anne Frank’s life was how optimistic she was about her future and how compassionate she was for the people she knew. She considered herself the lucky one. Am I the only one whose stomach turns when you started getting into the final year. I want to get it over with so she doesn’t have to suffer but I also want to linger in her life because the way the she described it was beautiful.

My husband tried to tell me about his friend who committed suicide on Christmas Day. I was trying to wrap my head around the reasons why but I just didn’t comprehend. Yes the way things are right now it sucks. What I can promise you though it was not as bad as living in hiding for two years and still ended up dying. You also didn’t get a flat of strawberries delivered a few days before you were arrested. You probably weren’t arrested either for just breathing or for the way you chose to lead your life. You also probably didn’t spend two years in almost silence to get on the very last train riding to your death. I can’t comprehend why their lives would have been saved only to run out of luck at the end. You have to believe that their lives meant something. That when the world is in shambles that they are our beacon of hope. She allowed us a window into their final years. She gave us the greatest gift of all time and all we had to do was let her in. If we would have allowed this sweet girl into our hearts when her story was first uncovered maybe so many others after wouldn’t have to die. We can work towards putting a stop to all this racist, bigotry and hate. I refuse to think that this story, this life of Anne Frank was given to us too late.