Should I feel shame for the level of vulgarity that is arising in the world? I mean if I speak up to the level of depravity that I feel exposed to on the day to day then I am the one that is unreasonable and I am the one who is going insane.

Do I like sex? Who doesn’t? It is that level of intimacy that gives another the key to our eternal life. At times I am thankful for alcohol because it takes away the pain from yesterday and allows me to gain back some control. If not remembering your past discretion makes your life a bit easier I say go for it! Wouldn’t you?

The only thing that curdles my stomach now is those moments in time I still feel I made a mistake. Although I have been shown in ever possible way that I was meant for this love. When staring at the crossroads faced with the possibility of true love and the idea of having the perfect life guess which route I took. Ya right? My son has been my greatest gift although he is the product of lies that were continuously told to me. Over and over again I took it. Letting my confidence and self worth erode into oblivion never to be seen again for eternity.

Oil and water. Water and vinegar. What happens to two substrates when they fail to mix? Sure they can create a masterpiece of flavors but maybe they could perform differently on something else. What would happen to that one ingredient that was meant to soar and fly instead of combining in such a way to be forgotten about. We all want to take center stage in our own story from time to time, there is no stopping human nature from desiring this feeling. When somebody crosses our path and all they do is resist it is almost impossible to not clobber them in the eye. But we refrain from making a mess because let’s be honest blood is impossible to get out.

Speaking of blood. How insane is it the reality of the all. I am a clear example of a woman who neglects herself as she vicariously tries to include it all. Nothing else makes sense really. Of course it was the lack or iron in my blood that made it impossible to breathe. Blood carries our oxygen and it even does so much more. It makes sense my lungs were screaming in agony as even smoking Sweet Mary J was causing me so much pain. As the smoke filled my lungs it took with it any last oxygen molecules and with no iron producing hemoglobin to carry more 02 I was last gasping for breath. Duh right? Wasn’t that Biology 10? If we strip away the complications from life maybe we would begin to enjoy what we see.

My partner wants me to feel shame for not being able to breathe, smirking at me as he calls me lazy. Imagine being taunted for what was going on told to eat meat like it’s not a big deal or thing. As I listen to his irritation I no longer feel rage just a sympathy that he never took the chance to get to know me. Sure I am hard to get close to but look at all that has happened. Who do you trust? Should I feel shame? My life is complicated, thanks. Thank you for caring enough to ask. I think. I mean do I know who you are? Can we cross this big divide away from being strangers and potential danger? My spidey senses are still there but I am just awkward as hell expressing them. That is my story anyways and I am sticking to it.

So again it boils down to how you feel about yourself and if you enjoy your own company and what it is going to take to level up and become somebody else. Well not somebody else entirely the version of yourself that makes the most sense. Not to anybody else in the room but you and only you. Why do we care so much about what other people think? Is it because Hollywood told us too? Scurry to the top of the money pile no matter the cost. Am I right? I mean I was getting yelled at for being too tired. Called lazy and useless when it was my physical body failing me and not my mind. When the insults began I would just sit there not able to move because I had not enough energy to combat the rage that was coming at me. I would never want to intentionally p*ss off my partner but I truly couldn’t breathe. He even spits on the Doctor’s report. Can you even believe?

I mean I get it because after the c-section I was supposed to be on 150 MG of iron but I just poo poo’d the idea. I don’t know why. I was eating meat then but chances are my Iron levels didn’t correct itself way back when and slowly deteriorated to what it is now. Let me tell you when she said 300 MG at bedtime I knew it was going to be a ride. I never claimed to be the epitome of perfect health. I mean quite the opposite am I right? I love to be seen and not heard so let me float off into the night. Speaking of being seen why are we so negative about the human body? We are the only civilization across the time line that stopped expressing ourselves in this form. We erected these monuments and statues used to captive and take away our breaths. We erected these beautiful images and works of arts for all to remember the pure beauty and life that resides within.