Becoming My Own Best Friend

Isn’t it absurd how one teeny tiny little molecule can attack or whole way of thinking and well being. Correction. The absence of said molecule. Sure I may have been made aware that there was a potential problem but in true human fashion I ignore my own needs and forgo into the world and try to save somebody else rather than my own dang self.

We are always made to feel shame. Like putting ourselves first just shows how selfish we are and shows our purest intent. Getting run down doesn’t help anybody. You got irate and irrational and you DO spend more time sitting trying to catch your breath. It becomes the source of so much annonymosity as we fail to recognize that it maybe sign that it could be the result of something else. Truth be told I didn’t feel any different. The recommendation of iron took place almost 4 years ago and I ignored them.

It started in the ICU after being ripped open during our C-section. I think 22 staples. They wanted to give me blood but low and behold they had none of my blood type. How ironic is that, truly? My blood pressure was high, 220/180, so they couldn’t just cut me open they had to wait. So let’s take a look at what happens when you suffer from low iron.


Iron deficiency anemia signs and symptoms may include:

  • Extreme fatigue
  • Weakness
  • Pale skin
  • Chest pain, fast heartbeat or shortness of breath
  • Headache, dizziness or lightheadedness
  • Cold hands and feet
  • Inflammation or soreness of your tongue
  • Brittle nails
  • Unusual cravings for non-nutritive substances, such as ice, dirt or starch
  • Poor appetite, especially in infants and children with iron deficiency anemia

When I consider which of these I suffered from was only shortness of breath. My hands and feet were always cold and I swear I always suffered from brittle nails. Maybe just maybe I always suffered from low iron. Maybe I had no idea what “normal” felt like. Who is anybody else to tell me how I am supposed to feel. What is normal to one is absolutely absurd to somebody else and who am I to distort another’s self worth or image? I don’t want to but others insist on doing that to me. Just you wait Kittens if you like what you have been seeing so far just wait till you see all the things that I can do. I am conscious, wide awake and now that I am on the mend I can’t wait to see what I can do, I am even going to raise the stakes!

So much judgement when we are all at here doing our best trying to live our lives then the opinionated chimes in. Embarassed by their shame. The things they have the balls to do each other all while exclaiming another man’s name. Jesus wasn’t executed for being the son of God. He was executed for being the definition of divinity and love. He was kind in a world that was growing in poverty, hungry for war. He had to show us the truth while being poor because that was in fact the common man. Life was never about living but anniliating another’s family and wealth. Believe that one being ordered the execution order and the rest of us just followed like goats. Lambs led to slaughter with open eyes and closed months we live in fear and do as we are told!!! No righteous man would sit on top of millions while the people who work to feed him work their fingers to the bone. There is right and there is wrong and no being is worthy of a life of self righteous entitlement especially when another being had to pay the ultimate sacrifice. Why humans why are you so cruel? Some of the things I was made to witness just curdle to crud in my stomach. How can we trust each other when we fail constantly in the most basic of levels.

The life cycle seems so simple yet it is so complex. One thing is out of balance and all chaos ensues. Birds with no sun will suffer from a calcium deficiency that will result in clear eggs. Indoor plants will fail to thrive because the tap water you are giving too them is like battery acid. If it can kill a plant what could it possibly do to you and I? Life is life and what goes around comes completely around. Humans want to investigate and right down the reason why each one of us dies? What would be the purpose when it is all over shouldn’t we focus on the living instead of the dead. But we can’t. When it comes to somebody who has moved on we refuse to honor them and begin to mourn. We will waste away our whole lives just waiting for the day we can see our loved ones again instead of basking in the love of life, you know those exhilarating moments that get our hearts moving.

Dare I say, or at least encourage, for you to reach into your heart what’s best. What’s best for me isn’t the same for you so why criticize me for what I love to do? I love to dress and express myself for the woman that I am. I don’t have the means to make it in Hollyeood but in my family I am the biggest star. Doesn’t that count for something? Shouldn’t that feel just as good? I love myself to be the light in every room because I was blessed a second chance and I promise you I am going to take it. I am going to love on myself so hard until the day I die and I don’t need anybody in particular who I love most of all is me. I was the only one who was always standing here when nobody else could. Should I feel shame for being the best friend I needed in life when nobody else would?

One Comment Add yours

  1. AKwafrigeria says:

    Brilliantly written ❤️

    Like

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