Today was the final step necessary for the healing to finally begin. To reclaim what was once taken from me officially by shedding the old skin that was time to be shed.
Holding onto hold memories hit me like a brick every time I saw my own reflection in the mirror. Haunting me was why I decided I needed to transform again anyways. The feeling of utter pride and accomplishment slapped me square in the face when I was announced my first Pin-Up Queen title.
It wasn’t anybody’s fault but some Pin-up wannabe. The gals at the pageant and the co-ordinator’s all rallied by my side. The outlash on social media though couldn’t help but begin to chip away at my smile then when the world seem to open and begin to collapse I couldn’t help but feel that good old shiver from deep inside my boots.
I have always wanted to make a statement. I couldn’t believe that my life could possibly be for nothing. And of course yours too but being how I can only control how it was I let the outside control what was happening on the inside I couldn’t help but want to shut myself off from the world.
When all we heard in the media was so much hate and disgust for each other I couldn’t help but want to mourn for those of us who were left. We had to be bold into the night like all the other’s tried to make themselves to be. Who knows if we will ever make it to where it is we need to go but I will be damned if I don’t try a little bit of everything before I got.
So I take Miss Ruby Sweet Cheeks back. My original Pin-Up name and personna. I wanted to infect the world with all that was happy and let them have a feast on all that was feminine and sweet. I needed to let go of everything that stung and hurt and make strides once again into who I was born to be. I came from a long line of motivated and kind women and my only regret is that I didn’t leave one of my to bestow onto this world once I go.
So I leave who I was behind and all that ridicule and hate that started to come out and I begin the final transformation of who I should have been before that one scoundrel tried her damnest to blow my candle out.
The blue has to go the color famous for infamous sadness. I am ok with being a little bit melacolony but I am growing tired of fighting all of those that oppose me. Once the fire begins to be ignited there is no more stopping where I could go. It begins with a desire to want to try something new if the old you is getting tired of doing things that don’t work.
My style of course will stay some what of the same it isn’t like I forgot how to dress after all but I embrace a style that is more natural and feminine that shows off what I was born with and not be a shrew like some like to do.
I want to adorn what feels comfortable and brings a smile to my lips as I shake my hips. I do love to dance and I do so as often as I could possibly. My son is get bitten by the love of song and dance. We still need to find him an outlet I am still hopeful that we will be able to give him that chance.
Any thoughts of what direction I should go? I am thinking of waiting a week. I promise my mind is pretty much made up and I will tell you all about it once it is revealed. I am trying really hard to get the message of love and peace out. All while being beautiful and all while trying to do the things that count.
I want to be more etheral. More appeasing to the sky. I feel that I might return there some day so I want to try everything possible to improve my ascent into the light.
Blame it on my neighbour for saying my hair bleach has affected my brain. NO WAY!! Duh! I am just trying to do what Madonna said and expressing myself is the motto of the day. It’s not that I am materialistic. I share my time with all the life that I have. There is plenty to do to keep oneself busy as I pay my respects back to mother Earth.
So who am I becoming when I leave Sweet Ruby Behind? I become someone who is truly happy and content with the life that she finds herself surrounded with. That coming or going she has perfected living in the moment and she will do it by encouraging others to do the same and building up a positive community.
We need to feel safe and above all we need to feel loved. How can we do any of those things when we have a constant scowl that lies upon your face.
I know that I am a different and that I was born to stand out. I think that is what I like about making it so obvious and there is no doubt. As I begin the transformation once again into Miss Ruby Sweet Cheeks I feel so motivated, so unstoppable and I feel so much pride.
I know this is what we were talking about when I saw my Grandma that lost time up in the sky. I know now what I need to do when I am living and I have the hard work and determination to do so until I die.
Check out My latest You Tube video entitled “Leaving Sweet Ruby” as well. Who is ready for the transformation of a lifetime!! Subscribe to my channel to get all the insider deets!