Beauty Runneth Deep

When I think about what it means to be truly beautiful I can’t help but think that it is from the light that is able to reflect from within. Something inside of you recognizes that we are just merely light refractions of energy that has somehow got trapped underneath the skin we find ourselves in.

For some this realization will become scary as they are unable to detach their thoughts from whom they once were. You can see it from the way that the lash out like scared little children trying to reduce those around them to their level or sometimes even lower.

There is no explanation for why a soul may turn black. Maybe it starts deeper further back then we can ever comprehend. Maybe some of us were descendants of monsters incapable of finding a way to let the warmth of the light find its way in. These monsters are the ones who come out to ridicule you. Making you feel a fool when what you really should have felt was acceptance and love.

No monster truly starts out that way. They are formed from the demands of the society they find themselves in. When one gets tired from all that senseless running what happens to the senses when all one feels is numb?

I do dare to live my life a little differently because I know how it feels when it all gets taken away. Not to keep on bringing up my own past experiences but I know how close came to meeting Death when another one of my friends decides to move on. Those lost conversations I hold onto like Holy Grail reminding me of the person that they used to be before Death intervened and decided to take them away. I remember very vividly what it feels like to hold onto a loved one as they take their last breath as your heart begs for them to stay. You try not to make it any harder than it needs to be but that not knowing if you will ever seem them again one day is what kills me too inside.

That is why I hold onto their memory so they know that in my heart they will always be my friend. There isn’t a day that doesn’t go by that I don’t find a way to honour them even if it is just to close my eyes and make a little wish instead. Instead of crying my heart out for hours as I rock myself to sleep. I don’t miss those nights of interrupted bouts of terror every time your loved one has moved on to the dark depths of an unmarked grave.

That is what it will become to be once everybody who knew them in this life begins to move on. The only people who we will forever remember and honour are those life forms we can remember after everybody is dead. The Kings and Queens and the emotional tyrants who wrecked havoc on a normal happening life. If it wasn’t for those trying to manipulate or freewill and freedom I think we would have an easier time in living before we all ended up dead.

That is why I dare to be a little bit different in the way that I dress, my mannerisms and even in the way that I try and behave. I like to behave as a woman would who has a little decorum, who puts her family first and is capable to know how it is you are to behave. Sure I understand the mantra of we only live once so do as you want as long as it pleases you. Who cares if there is collateral damage as long as we are smart enough to stay away from all the shrapnel?

Nah. That isn’t me to notice that my first born is a little bit different then the masses and is already labeled with that nasty Scarlet A. Don’t trust those in any sort of power has always been my rule thumb but I failed and let my guard down. Trust me when I say that those that are trapped inside the system will not work in your best interests, for sure not tomorrow and I can bet my last dollar that it won’t even be today.

“The system”. Even my mother in law said that once he is in “the system” they won’t forget about him and they will get him help. My son is already labeled a danger to society and that has happened before his 5th birthday so you tell me who I think is a little bit insane. When it comes to these people in power I will bite my tongue and let them have their so called way but I see you now and what you are doing. Fool me again and there is no telling what I may do.

I hate being lied too and I hate that this is happening to my son. They want me to lie and tell him he is the same when his whole life now he is going to be forced to conform and sit inside a box. I wanted him to grow and know that his self expression is something to be adored and honoured not beaten out of him so he becomes like all the other children just one and the same.

Can I run away with him and tell them they can’t have him as I see what they have already started to do. I wish that when it came to living our lives they could somehow learn to honour the being that is trying to come alive inside of us instead of making it so we don’t even know how to live.

Why conform to an old way of living and a skewed set of standards if we are constantly redefining what it means to come alive? I know the content I create may not be for everybody but it should be a glaring indication what is wrong with the world in which we still live. How is it that on my side of the world we can celebrate and embrace our mental health through the use of cannabis but then they are others who are imprisoned for the very same life that I live?

Check out my latest video, “A Damsel who Dabs, A Daily Dabbing Story” and let me know what you think.

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