I think going into the Doctor to have a conversation is one of our biggest fears. What if he tells us our life is going to be over as the rest of what he is about to say falls on deaf ears. I know this is the number one reason why my Grandmother refused to go for check-ups and wouldn’t we be forced to realize she would last only a week before she died.

Sometimes when you go in there is nothing that they can do. This is the reason why I didn’t want to become a vet. If I couldn’t save their lives what would be the point? I think it is to become their point of grace and misery all at once in the end. Aren’t we all worthy of salvation as we take that final ride into the sky? There is no getting out of where we are going as we all heads towards the infinite when we die.

What my Doctor was able to figure out is I suffer from extremely low iron. So extreme in fact. We are trying to get my iron up to 300 units and I am happy to say I am up to 86! Which seems insane doesn’t it because I have been taking 300 mg of iron for almost 2 years!! So it’s obvious my body doesn’t absorb iron in the traditional sense but if you consider where I started I am on the right track wouldn’t you say? I started at 24!

I gave up my vegetarian ways for a richer iron source. It pains me to have to eat animals that I have co-habited this planet with so it is up to me to make them feel my warm wishes up above. I think that is why I find myself in this live that I have come to love. I would rather focus on the lives here right in front of me then taking my clothes off for anonymous crowd instead.

When it comes to our health we shouldn’t take it as such a joke. The truth is that we are all just as fragile no matter what it is we have come to believe or what we have come to toke. I think before we begin pointing fingers we should be sure who it is we are trying to blame. I know there are things that I have fallen victim too with my mental and physical health.

Always take a good hard look at yourself and see if there is anything else that you can do. It depends on how bad you want it or if you are content in living in a shoe. Not a shoe entirely but you know what I mean. Confined to the limits that are imposed on you with the laces used to tie off the brain.

I think that is why I am so hesitant and why I can be found to be dragging my feet because I am scared of what these medical professionals could possibly say. Is my iron improving and am I doing all the right things I can’t help but worry that there is a chance that I need to do more. And then it happened.

The look in her eyes confirmed my fears. As the tears came to both of our eyes she began to print papers so she could go over with me just what all this testing has found. It seems to me that my kidneys have began to fail from all the prescriptions and the pills that on top of everything that I have to worry about I have to add on weekly testing to that bill.

Don’t be alarmed right but what if I told you I could feel the pressure in my lower back and veins. This constant numbing pain that always threatens to cripple me the very likes of it are going to make me insane. I am not allowed to talk about these constant queries in my life. If I talk to try to get some comfort it is for attention and that kind of negativity wreaks havoc on my brain.

So what am I to do? The only thing I can do. I have to throw the gauntlet out so far and hope that something works for me and I can start living out my dreams. I need to lose weight that is a given no more stress on this body of mine. I need to focus on the vegetables I can harvest and live a life that I am proud of in time.

Every time I see my Doctor I feel weak in the knees. I want to live a life where I am happy so I better start defining exactly what that means. Seek professional advice when appropriate and actually believe in the words that are said. What else can one hope for when we are all walking around with one foot in the grave?

Isn’t it incredible how fragile our lives truly are and how we force them to endure such abuse? I can’t imagine that continuation of ignorance but I live with my ignorance every day. I am kind of the one that is like if it doesn’t directly affect me then there is no need to worry until there is the one day when it suddenly does. Now here I am.

Ever get tired of jumping through the hoops that others have set out for you but nobody even cares to notice if you are in fact jumping through them. You can accomplish this task with almost complete perfection and precision but nobody would even notice you until you became somebody else. Why can’t our best be good enough or at least an internal belief that our best is more than our actual worth?