Losing my inability to breathe changed everything for me. You know it is the one thing that we have to do that will keep us alive. I think we take it for granted in the activities we engage in citing we are above it all so we can do some more.
When it started happening I thought it would be over in a matter of days. Who really loses their ability to breathe and have it maintained. Obviously it was from smoking dabs and high levels of marijuana so I did what was best for me and quit cold turkey. Don’t get it confused though. I hope to return to the magical land of dabs one day but not until I can breathe.
One day life appeared to be normal then BAM I was struggling to breathe. Legitimately I couldn’t even walk up a flight of stairs without holding onto the stair railing for dear life. Not to mention as this was all happening the husband was mocking me. I liked the idea of being medicated with plants but maybe, just maybe this wasn’t the remedy for me.
Our ability to breathe and breathe without difficulty is definitely one of the things I would have to say we take for granted. Just look at all the ways we like to portray violence with our lover obstructing our airways. Is there something erotic about not being able to breathe? I don’t think so. Well other than I can feel every nerve ending dying as I struggle to come up for air.
I think it has been over a year now since it started happening. It truly was like that. One day I was feeling ok then I was struggling in every which was. The Doctor did her due diligence because an obstruction of the airway can mean something extreme.
Heart Disease being one of them as the blood flow is unable to move through the lungs and airways efficiently preventing our body from functioning in its own unique way. Cystic Fibrosis being another one but in my late age that diagnosis would be incredibly hard to even be believed.
That is why I was hooked up to an EKG before even leaving her office. She did what she needed to do in order to make sure that I was going to be ok so why is it so hard for me to even breathe? Anemia was the case that she gave me. Pretty much my iron was way in its boots.
Iron is one of those elemental elements that is vitally important to our livelihood and well being, think about it. Iron is what helps us absorb oxygen! The very element that we do breathe in when we go onto inhale. It’s like I remember my teacher telling me in biology all about the body and all the little parts inside that function but I never really thought that it could ever matter to me.
Our lives hang delicately in the balance waiting for anybody else to look over our way and see. Take notice of who we once were and how it is we got to where we were going and did our lives make a difference to anybody else out there other than me?
I have stopped and took notice in such a way that I hope that eventually it will save my life. Well one day I won’t be here, there is no denying that. There is nothing that heightens my anxiety more than being faced with that fact. That last breath that we take is all that we are. Once that life is removed from where it has always been and has taken flight to where it is to be going is all the passion that is inside of me now that I have learned that you have moved on.
Captain’s log day 3. At least I think it has been 3 days since my last dab. If you can’t do something well then try to figure out a way to do it differently. At least that is what I have been telling myself since I lost my breath to breathe.
There is something to be said for that faintness of breath that comes onto ones being for no reason. Especially when it comes on without any warning just a wham bam thank you mam now see if you can handle this bout without treason because that is how my panic feels like I just want to stand up and jump ship.
So I had this thought that maybe all my ailments are caused from this one thing. Like being cut in half was maybe a big deal. With my bodies inability to replace what was lost during surgery no matter why my brain when delusional and I fell a little bit off track.
Isn’t oxygen one of the key ingredients to our make up so it would stand to reason that you would want to be breathing in the best. Maybe it has been all that noxious air of obscenities that has come and taken up residency inside of my lungs. I just need to keep on having the testicular fortitude to stick up for myself and demand the best of care that is specific to my tastes and therefore needs.
It’s a lifestyle isn’t it? Until there is no life in you left to style. In order to get the most out of every moment you have to have a conscious understanding of what these moments could mean and exactly what has become your passion and what you have decided to take a stance for.
For me I just love life and all that comes with it. The good bad and the coyote ugly. The ugly being what evil lies in the heart of most people, and I don’t mean everybody, I mean those beings who are constantly aggravated trying to even out the score.